Breathing Exercises for strong emotions

Breathing Exercises for Children ~ Compiled by Patience Domowski, LCSW

Kids and other professionals have given me many ideas for breathing exercises!

Deep breathing is so important for kids to learn because they can use it to calm their body down when stressed, anxious, angry, or other strong emotions. Children should try to breathe all the way from their stomach and as slow and deep as possible. Deep breathing tells your body and brain to relax.

Blow out candles

(pretend to blow out candles, pretend fingers are candles. blow out all 10!)'

Smell the flowers

(pretend you have a flower in your hand and inhale deeply)

Snake breath

(slow hiss to let your breath out)

Blow fish breathing

(pretend you’re a blow fish and fill up with air)

Square breathing

(hold and release breath for 4 seconds each)

7-11 Breaths

(count to 7 breathing out, count to 11 breathing out) 

Belly breath

(put hand on your stomach and breathe from belly, not just from chest)

Butterfly hug

(cross arms across chest and tap your shoulders)

Starting at a new school

Anxiety about starting at a new school

Tips ~ by, Patience Domowski, LCSW

1)   Tour the school alone (or with friends/family) [call office and ask]

2)   Attend orientation/group tour events – meet teachers and classmates

3)   Ask school if can come visit when no one is around during summer

Teens:

-get class schedule early

-chart route for classes

-practice walking the route

Kids:
                   -find out who teacher is
                   -check out the classroom
                   -play on the playground during summer

4)   Try to meet the guidance counselor over the summer [or beginning of school year. The school counselor is a great resource to go to when anxious at school]

5)   Try to make a friend before school starts- meet people at orientation, find out who in your neighborhood attends your school, or ask counselor to pair you up with someone

6)   Remember it will be fine. It will be fun. Try to look on the positive side. 

Goal Worksheet

Goal Worksheet- this is helpful for teens/adults who need to focus on accomplishing goals, especially those with depression

Goal Worksheet~ by Patience Domowski, LCSW

GOAL 1: ________________________________________________________

Why this is important to me:

Approximate time I should meet this goal:__________________________________

·         Step 1/ (What can I do now to work on this?) [Include sub-steps if needed]

·         Step 2

·         Step 3

·         Step 4

What might keep me from reaching my goal?

What can I do to handle those things that keep me from my goal?

What can I say to remind myself to keep working towards my goal?

Communication Picture Game

I made a picture game to teach communication skills. When you land on a picture you have to comment on the picture or ask the other player about that topic. 

Matching Activities

Matching can teach learning and focus and are great for young kids with autism and typical preschoolers as well! 

There are many websites with printables to make these matching activities.

Pencil Problems

I made this to attach pencil to desk for student who drops their pencil alot. ADHD kids tend to have their pencil fall off their desk several times a day !!

First/Then

First/Then

This strategy is really helpful for kids with autism but it can work with anyone! You make a card with two sections and put a picture/or write what you want the child to do first, and then the second part is something the child prefers. This is used for work, play, eating, going places, etc! 

Anger Management

Helping your child calm their anger ~  Strategies for parents

~ by, Patience Domowski, LCSW

·         Remind your child it’s okay to be angry but they need to make good choices when angry

·         Make a list with your child of anger coping strategies and post it somewhere easy to see in the home

·         Model using anger calming strategies for your child and let them know you are using the strategy. (For example: “I am really angry right now that you colored on the walls. I am going to take some deep breaths to calm down.” or “I am really angry that you lied to me about your homework. I am going to go to my room to calm down and then we can talk about it later.”)

·         Name your child’s anger so they can recognize how they feel and also empathize with them. Just acknowledging the feeling can be helpful. Then offer a solution, if possible. (For example: “You seem really angry. I know its upsetting when your brother doesn’t want to play with you. It’s okay to be upset. Let’s figure out what we can do instead!”)

·         Notice what sets your child off and try to avoid it if possible. For example: If telling your child “No” makes them angry try saying “Yes, after_______” if they can have what they want after they finish something you want them to do (behavior, homework, chores, et)

·         Notice when your child is starting to escalate and bring it to their attention that they should use a calming strategy or if you know a situation is about to occur during which your child is likely to be upset prepare them to use a proper coping skill beforehand (For example: “I have to tell you something that will probably make you mad, please try to make a good choice and take a deep breath and let’s figure it out. Okay here is the news…”)

·         If your child needs time away to calm down- give them space instead of yelling at them. If you think it’s rude for them to walk away and if they cannot ask for space politely, try a “code word” which lets you both know you need some space to calm down. The word should be silly and respected if used.

·         Try a simple reward to help give your child an incentive to use their calming strategies such as a piece of candy if they use a strategy, or they get out of the something if they calm down, for example

·         Tell your child when they are calm we will discuss how to problem solve the situation

·         Try not to give them attention for making poor choices but more attention when they make good choices. Praise your child for making a good choice by calming down and focus on that good choice versus the other angry behaviors

Sleep problems

Sleep Strategies~ when your child has trouble sleeping~ Patience Domowski, LCSW

Falling asleep/bedtime routine

·         Turn off screens at least half hour before bed [Don’t let kids keep their ipads and phones in their rooms at night. Parents can charge them in their own bedroom or elsewhere in the house.]

·         Use a bedtime routine including reading books before bed. Sometimes a calming bath is helpful.

·         Sleepytime tea or warm milk can help

·         Listening to music while falling asleep can be helpful for some kids (check with your child if they think this would be helpful or too distracting)

·         Noise machine // fan// sound machine

·         Melatonin (natural vitamin that helps you fall/stay asleep) can buy over the counter at pharmacy

·         Progressive muscle relaxation (can find many scripts for this online)

·         Remind yourself everything will be okay

·         For racing thoughts: write down what need to do tomorrow// or what you’re thinking about to get it out of your head

·         Talk to doctor about medication if necessary

For nightmares:

·         Think happy thoughts / make a “happy things to think about before bed” Sweet Dreams box and have your child draw pictures of things he likes and pick out what he wants to dream about before bed

·         Use a Dream Catcher (can make one easily- look online for craft ideas)

·          Prayers

·         Assure them they will be okay

·         Watch a funny show or funny podcast before bed so thinking happy thoughts

Won’t sleep on their own

·         Parent stay with child until they fall asleep in their own room

·         Let child sleep on floor in parents room getting closer to door until can be in their own room

·         Let pets sleep with child or share bedroom with sibling

·         Give reward in morningif child stays in room all night or falls asleep on their own

Fidgets for Focus

Fidgety at school

Here's a tip: if your kid is fidgeting and having trouble staying seated or focused at school... Try a fidget toy like a squishy ball for him to hold. Of course if he throws it or gets out of his seat, take away the toy.

Separation Anxiety

Separation anxiety

Is your child having difficulty separating from mom and dad at school, daycare, or visiting the other parent in divorced situations? 

Tip: try a "transitional object" like a favorite blanket, stuffed animal, toy, or even a small keychain photo of mom and dad that goes with the child everywhere. 

For older kids... A small trinket with meaning or a photo they can keep in their pocket can be helpful.

Also remind kids you will always come back for them and when you do pick them up, remind them you came back just like you promised. Lots of hugs and kisses! 

Anxiety - about going new places and separation anxiety

Anxiety about going somewhere new

Some kids have alot of anxiety about going somewhere new (or somewhere they haven't been in a while) or visiting/meeting new people.
Some kids may not show their anxiety, but rather internalize it (may be worried but not express it) and other kids express it in different ways.
Some kids show this anxiety in the typical way: clinging to mom/dad, crying, refusing to go.
Other kids show this anxiety by throwing a fit or a tantrum. Sometime parents don't recognize the reason for the tantrum- the child doesn't or can't appropriately express his feelings so they throw a fit.

Tip: Review and prepare. Show the child the website of where you are going (all attractions like museums, zoos, etc have websites with pictures), or show your child pictures of who you are visiting (grandparents for example). Discuss what you will do, what you will see, etc. Explain to the child its okay and normal to be a little anxious about doing something new or going somewhere new. Tell the child what the OK reaction should be. Also remind them how they can cope (hug parents, hold their hand, bring their favorite toy). Finally make sure you emphasize the fun part! Remind kids it will be fine.
Some kids do great with "Social Stories" where a story is written with the child in the story and it explains what will happen, what the expected behavior is, and reminds the child they are doing a great job learning whatever the skill is you want them to learn. (Search online for some free available social stories, or you can make one up yourself! I'll do another blog post on how to write them soon)

Here's an example of something you can say to your anxious child Before you go, and maybe during the car ride too.  "I know sometimes you (or use "kids" in general if the child gets upset if you specifically focus on them) get a little worried or anxious when going somewhere new. Its okay, and normal. Even mommies and daddies get anxious sometimes. (You can say if its true that you feel a little nervous too).  Remember you can tell me "I feel worried" or "I'm scared" (use whatever feeling word you think your child is most familiar with and would understand) and come give me a hug, or you can hold my hand until you feel comfortable.We're going to do and see lots of fun things (give specific examples if you can).  I'm sure you will have lots of fun!

 (If you are leaving the child with a new babysitter for example, however, explain you will be back very soon and will give lots of hugs and kisses when you return, and you will miss them too.)

Function of Behavior/ Why is the child doing this behavior?

Why? That is the question

If you can figure out WHY your child (or student in a classroom, for teachers) is doing what they are doing, you are much closer to figuring out how to solve the problem/intervene.

There are 3 basic functions for behavior (I know, shocking its so few, huh?!)
1. To Obtain/Get Something (or Get Attention)
2. To Escape/Avoid Something
3. For sensory input/stimulation

So look at what happens BEFORE the behavior (called the "Antecedent")
Then Look at what happens AFTER the behavior (called the "Consequence"- doesnt have to be negative or a punishment, in this case).

Here's an example:
Teacher says "Time for work". Child screams and throws himself on the floor. Teacher comes over and asks what's wrong and tries to talk child into doing work.
What do you think the function is?
Well it could be for (1.) Attention (from the teacher, even if the teacher is also going to punish the child), or for (2.) to escape work. Or is it (3.) the child enjoys making loud sounds? Hmm it might be a little bit of everything. (Some behaviors do hit all the above functions, and those are difficult!). So try different responses (whether changing the antecedent or the consequence) to see what happens.
So teacher says "Time for Work", Child screams and hits the floor. Teacher ignores. (Other children need to ignore too). Child then returns to work, or does another behavior (Okay then they want attention).
Teacher says "Time for work"; child screams, teacher sends the child out of the classroom to sit in the hallway, see the principal, etc. Child complies (and maybe even is happy about it). Likely reason is for Escape (child avoided work).

Another thing to consider is- is this behavior due to a skill deficit? For example can the child not do the work he is asked to do? Is it too difficult? Does he/she not understand? Does the child not have the skills (wasnt taught for example) to raise his/her hand and ask for help?
Teaching the replacement behavior (ask for a break or ask for help- for example) would be the best response.

To figure out number 3- the best test is to answer this question: If the child was completely alone, wasn't given any attention, and wasn't being given a demand (direction to follow), would the child do this behavior? If so, its likely for sensory stimulation.
 

Boredom problems

Boredom

Is it okay for your kids to be bored? This is a great question. Especially during the summer!

There are two pieces to it. (pros/cons):
1)  Pro: When kids are bored; they (often) become creative. 
So it can be a good thing. If there is no TV to watch, nothing planned to do, they might invent a new game, make a creative project/craft, etc. Kids should have some "down time" to make some creative choices.
If your child has a really hard time with "down time" and just wanders aimlessly about or whines- give them a few choices and allow them to be creative within those choices. This way they learn how to solve the boredom problem themselves. For example make a large poster with a list of activities they could do, or suggest a few and leave it up to them.

Here are some of my suggestions to post on the list: 
-Play with toy animals like dinosaurs, stuffed animals, little plastic farm /zoo animals, etc...
-Play with dolls/action figures/etc (girls and boys should both be encouraged to use their imagination with this type of play)
-play with blocks (large wooden blocks, legos, megablocks, etc) - build a tower, fort, castle, etc. Knock it down, build it large enough to go inside of it, invite the dolls/animals inside, etc...
-Crafts/Coloring books/Art
-Computer- not just computer games, but design or build or draw, etc or write something, play with fonts/graphics/etc
-Board games/card games/ etc
-Read a book!
-Write a book! Write a story/journal/etc
-Make a movie (with most of today's cameras and even cell phones this is pretty easy to do)
-Make a fort/house/boat/etc out of couch cushions, pillows, blankets, tables/chairs, etc.
-Dress up! Make believe/ etc
-Go outside- play pretend "house", run around, play outdoor games, ride bikes/scooters/etc

Places to go: (free or cheap)
-Take a walk
-Playground
-Mall (to walk/look around, not necessarily to shop)
-Library (get books, also alot of Free programs/activities especially in the summer)
-Local Farm
-Museums, Zoo, Aquarium, amusement parks, etc (Look for Coupons, Groupon/Living Social deals online. Also buy a family membership and go multiple times in a year for the best money savings!)
-Bowling
-Mini golf
-Movie theatre
-Local Events like outdoor fairs/festivals, etc.

2.) Con:  If they are TOO bored, they will often get into trouble/do something you DON'T want them to do. (especially kids with behavior problems) 
So like I mentioned above- give them some choices (make a list like above), also you can make a loose framework of the days like suggest different activities every few hours, or have an outing a few days /week in the summer, and some weekends. Kids don't need to be Constantly on the go- they will get exhausted and never learn how to stimulate themselves when bored, but they do need some things to do. Find the balance that works great for your child and try to help them find something constructive to do, as well as learn how to solve the boredom problem for themselves. (As a parent/teacher- don't always tell your child what he/she can do; but make a few suggestions or point to a list if you have one- and let them choose so they learn to solve their own situations, instead of expecting parents to solve it all for them, creating dependent children who aren't learning independent life skills).

Make a Bored List! (Downloadable Sample List)

Downloadable printable list of local activities (Chester County and surrounding areas). 
 

Getting your child to talk about their day

Getting your child to talk to you about their day at school/camp/etc

If your child comes home from school and won't talk about their day, here are some suggestions...

1) Don't let them get away with "I dont know" or a shrug when you ask them about it. Keep asking, or don't let them move on until they give a response. Often they just dont want to think about it or hope you will just let it go. Once they learn they have to respond with something, they usually will! If they need some time to decompress after they come home, try asking them about it at dinner or bedtime instead of right off the bus.

2) Suggest options for them to pick from: "Which special did you have today? Music or Art?" , or give more closed-ended questions to get them thinking more specifically. "Who did you sit with on the bus?" ," What did you play at recess?" "Tell me something new/funny/etc that happened today?" If they are in preschool, for example, and the teacher sends home a paper/note daily to tell parents about the child's day, use that as a jumping off point to discuss. "I see your teacher said you played with playdough today, tell me about that?" or "Oh you had gym today, what did you play in gym class?"

3) Everyone in the family has to share something about their day at dinner. With parents and older siblings modeling this, younger children will often soon learn how to join in. It just becomes the expectation to discuss. This could be done at bedtime alternatively.

4) Let the child draw a picture of something that happened that day, or write down a response if they are not verbal learners or have difficulty with communication (often this will work better with kids with Aspergers)

5) I made up a form that I have used with some clients to have them write a little something or draw something about their day. In therapy I have used "I don't know" tickets. I give the child 5 tickets for example in therapy and when I ask them questions if they say " I don't know" I take away a ticket. When they run out of tickets (may be for a few different questions, not all at once) then they have to respond. Kids usually catch on quick and don't want to lose the tickets so will answer! Even if the tickets don't mean anything! They also will often not need the tickets after a few sessions, because they learn that I won't just drop it and they get used to responding to me.

6) Consider that your child might legitimately not know due to memory issues, too young to process, or they can't think about what happens in different settings when not in that setting. Try suggestion number 2 above and if that's unsuccessful, they may just not be able to respond at this time (until they are older or more advanced in learning/cognitive skills).

Feeding problems

Eating/Feeding concerns and how to address them (Picky Eaters)

This is for picky eaters, kids with autism, sensory food avoidance, etc...

This is an idea of how to introduce new foods that I have come up with based on observing different interventions teachers, OTs, therapists, parents, etc have used with kids. I cannot and will not guarantee this will work, but its just a suggestion to try.
The basic idea is to offer/present or insist on trying the new food BEFORE they get the food they want. Do not even show them their preferred food when presenting the new food. New foods must be offered SEVERAL times on different occasions for kids to try to see if they will like it/eat it. Don't give up after just one attempt!!  
Also often children will eat more/different foods at school, or with peers/siblings/friends/cousins/etc MORE OFTEN than just with mom/dad at home, so try sending in different food options to school, invite kids over at home to all eat foods, etc. 
When I talk about "New or Different" foods I mean normal kid food that the child refuses, nothing that is usually an acquired taste like some different cultural or "ethnic" foods, sushi for example if family is not Asian, certain vegetables like Asparagus most kids don't prefer for example. Ask/observe other kids to find out what is "normal" kid foods in your area/culture. 

Using a "First/Then" chart card may be helpful for visual learners (most autistic kids).

Feeding Behavior Protocol

Present new food daily, or at least several times/week. Child must do Step (below) first, then receive preferred foods.  Once the Step (that you are on) has been successful for 5 consecutive days, move on to next step in sequence. If unsuccessful, go back to previous successful step. Don’t pressure child or make it feel like a punishment. Make it relaxed. Model eating different foods for child, offer child to eat off parents plates, have peers/siblings model eating the new food as well (if possible). Keep trying new and different foods. Research shows child may need to be presented with new foods 20 times before will eat/try it. Skip Steps below if your child is already past that stage (don’t go backwards if unnecessary)

(** Note - most kids will be at step # 3, 4, or 5 to start. Some kids may need pre step or steps 1-2 to start)

Pre-steps: (Use if child is avoidant of touching certain textures like pudding for example)

– Have child first touch food with one finger (or touch food with a plastic glove on, or in a plastic bag)

-Have child put hands in food, then wash off /remove quickly

-Move to step 1:

• Step 1: Touch food to mouth
• Step 2: Lick food
• Step 3: Take a tiny bite “mouse bite”
• Step 4: Take a larger bite “elephant bite”
• Step 5: Eat new food (1)
• Step 6: Eat full serving of new food
• Step 7: Try another new food!! Repeat Steps 1-7 as needed

Teaching Language skills

Using Language to Communicate to Get what you want

Kids (especially Autistic children) have to be taught to communicate (whether its verbally, with sign language, picture exchange, or tech device). They will often use the least amount of effort to get what they want.
Even typical (non autistic/non special needs) kids will often cry or whine for something if they are not made to communicate properly if that behavior will still get them what they want.

Problem example:
Child wants milk. He whines. Mom knows what he wants, so she gives him the milk.
Child wants to eat. He cries. Mom fixes him dinner.
Child wants a toy. He points to it and grunts. Dad hands him the toy.
Child wants something at a store. He throws a tantrum. Mom/Dad buy the toy.

Even if you know what your child wants, other people may not, and you want your child to learn to communicate (usually verbally) instead of making noises (grunts), pointing (in some cases), crying, or tantrumming to get what they want/need.

Here's what you can do. "Friendly Sabotage": Hold the object/item the child wants, or put it just out of reach and DO NOT give it to the child until they communicate appropriately (whatever is acceptable and Possible for that child whether its talking, using pictures, signs/gestures, etc).
For example. Child wants drink. He points to cup and whines. Mom holds the cup and says "Drink. Do you want drink?" Child nods. Mom waits. Mom repeats "Drink. I want Drink". (Either says what the child should repeat, or waits for child to make request). Child says "Drink/I want Drink" Mom gives him/her the drink.

Another example. Teacher/Therapist/etc is doing a craft with the child. Teacher/therapist withholds the tools needed (markers, glue, scissors) and tells the child to do a task. "Write your name on the paper". When child realizes they need a tool to complete the task, they must ask for the tool first. "I need marker please!" Teacher/Therapist can hold the marker/glue/etc or say the word for child to repeat. "Do you need marker? Ask for the marker/ I want marker, please."

If child cannot talk then use sign language, or picture exchange (your child's therapists/teachers should come up with the best communication system for your child in consultation with parents and observing child's preferred way of learning and his/her abilities already) - consult with your child's speech therapist and special education teacher, as well as with behavioral therapists for more ideas and suggestions and ways to teach this skill.

Error Correction (Re-doing the expected behavior after making a mistake)

"Error Correction" is an "in the moment" teaching opportunity.
Basically take the child back to where they made the error (physically) and "re-do" the behavior the correct way.

For example: You are holding child's hand walking in the store. The child suddenly runs off. You chase him down. Instead of just telling him "Don't do that again!" Take him back to where he started to run off and hold his hand and make him walk that same space.

Another example I can give from experience. I used to see a child for therapy in a daycare. When I would show up he would rolls his eyes and groan. I was teaching him social skills and that is not the proper way to greet anymore, especially an adult. So I said "Let's try that again" and I told him what the expected behavior was: "You should say "Hi Miss Patience!" when I arrive. So I went back out the door and came back, expecting him to use the right behavior. We practiced that awhile. Another client I had would stick out his tongue when I arrived. I tried the same thing. I would go back outside and re-knock on his door and have him greet me properly. After a few weeks of that (I only visited 1-2x/week) he now does it properly without having to "re-do" the greeting.

By redoing the behavior in the moment it helps the child learn "muscle memory" to remember what to do. Kids tend to learn better (and so do some adults!) from kinetic learning (using your body) more than just verbal learning. So acting out a behavior or role-playing a social scenario can teach the skill better than just lecturing or telling a child what to do next time without practicing it.

Potty Training

Potty Training

If your child is ready for potty training... 
(To be ready the child should be able to notice they are eliminating/voiding, such as going off in the corner to "go", asking for diaper change right away, feeling uncomfortable with a full diaper, showing interest in the bathroom, able to request the bathroom- for verbal children). 
Usually children are around 2-3 years old. (Developmentally delayed children may be around 4-6 yrs old or older.) Occasionally a child is ready around 18 months old. 

-Start putting them in underwear (can put diaper over/under underwear if child makes alot of accidents and its not possible to allow them to wet themselves multiple times per day).
[Note: Some parents let children run naked in the backyard in the summer and when they see them start to go, they rush them to the toilet (like training a puppy). This works for Some kids.]
-Try putting them on the toilet (or baby potty) every 10-30 minutes all day (pick which amount of time works best for you and the child's preschool), routinely (may take days or weeks, especially with kids with special needs it may take months or years).
-Have them sit for about 7-10 minutes at a time on the toilet (use a child's toilet seat on the toilet so the child doesn't fall in!)
-Sing, read a book, watch a movie on a portable DVD player, do puzzles, color a picture, etc. Make it fun! Not a punishment! (If child gets up/won't sit, just hold them on the toilet gently for the count of 10, and let them off of it. Can also try keeping their clothes on at first to get comfortable with it, or try a small baby potty if they are scared of large toilet)
-If they eliminate/void on the toilet, they can immediately get up (don't have to wait the rest of the minutes). Don't forget to wipe! [**Girls should always wipe front to back to prevent infections!!]. Teach child how to wipe themselves. Use wet wipes, then fade out to toilet paper, if you want.
-Give alot of social praise : "Yay! Good job!" high five, hugs, etc "You went on the potty!" and also give a special treat if they "go" that they ONLY get at this time (cupcakes, Popsicle, candy, chocolate, etc).
-Have child flush the toilet, and pull up their underwear (or pull-up)- they may need help, but let them try on their own first, and show them where to put their hands (front and back works better than just the two sides).
- Wash hands!! Even if child didn't void on the toilet, or wipe self they should still learn the importance of washing hands, it gives an extra opportunity to clean hands throughout the day (best way to avoid germs!) plus an opportunity to teach children how to wash hands!

**Note: By about 4 or 5 years old (typical) kids should be able to wipe themselves (may not be super effective if they make a bowel movement, but they should be able to try by themselves first). It may be harder for kids with special needs, if they don't have the right dexterity or can't reach well. Try wet wipes and then move to regular toilet paper.

Additional ideas/information: 
-When beginning to introduce potty training, have child watch you (parents) use the toilet. You could even have child (clothed) sit on your lap when you go to the bathroom, so they see what happens.
-Another idea is to always change child's diaper in the bathroom, when you are starting this process.
-And/or have child sit on toilet or go in bathroom whenever they soil their diaper so they start connecting that when they go in their diaper, it should be in the bathroom.
-Have child flush toilet for parents, or when you put the poo from the diaper in there, for example to help them be more a part of the process and for child to see where poo should go!
- Reading potty training kids books like "Elmo uses the potty" or using potty training dolls can be helpful for some kids. Practicing putting dolly/elmo/bear/etc on the toilet is good idea.
-Potty training sticker charts may work for some kids instead of immediate food/candy rewards.
-Use a step stool/bench under child's feet so they don't dangle if child is scared, and also to push off of to make a bowel movement.
-Have child drink ALOT of water/juice during the day, and on the potty during training.
-Have child change their own clothes or clean up puddles if they have an accident- don't punish them, but stress that pee-pee belongs in the potty.
-If child is dry when its potty time and they had no accidents, praise them, and point out they are dry (specific praise) and emphasize pee goes in the potty.
-Teaching boys to "Aim" .. throw some Cheerios in there and have them try to "sink" the O's! (Don't do this if your child likes to put hands in the potty as he might try to reach in and eat them!)
-Boys need to "point"/Aim DOWN, make sure they hold/push themselves downward (if you know what I mean!) or parents can do it for them until they learn how; otherwise pee will go all over the room, and likely on the parents too! (this always happens at least once when potty training!!) :)
-Teach Boys to SIT first for both pee and poop, then teach them to stand up. (Dad can teach them how to use a urinal). Boys also need to learn how to pee without pulling down their pants all the way in public. This should be taught after they are fully potty trained with the sit-down method for the most part.
-For Girls- always wipe every time- front to back!! To avoid infections and UTIs!
-Boys (especially if uncircumcised) should really wipe even for pee as well to prevent infections too- if a little bit of pee is left on their skin and it gets inside, it can cause some infections/UTIs sometimes.

 Different kids learn different ways so don't be too discouraged if your child needs another method!
Ask your child's preschool teacher, other parents, therapists, and your child's doctor for more ideas or to come up with a unique specific plan for your child if needed! Remember if your child isn't ready, you can take a break and try again later. Also it may take longer than what your friends may tell you and don't feel discouraged- keep trying or try a different method if something doesn't work!

The ideas above come from various experiences and suggestions from teachers, therapists, parents, etc and different experiences I have had working with different professionals and parents with potty training children, especially special needs children.  I hope it helps!

Here's some potty training tips for 3day training- great ideas, though it likely won't work on special needs kids.

 http://yourmodernfamily.com/potty-training-in-three-days-2/ 

Sensory

Some children have Sensory issues which can be causing behavior. To find out- have them evaluated by an Occupational Therapist (OT) at school or outpatient. Sensory behavior may include avoiding certain textures- food, touch, clothes; or sensory seeking like crashing into walls, craving tight hugs, jumping excessively, etc. Children with autism and ADHD often have sensory issues. Some children without any mental health issues have sensory concerns too. 

A "sensory diet" is helpful for kids with sensory needs. This doesn't mean food but rather activities. Consult with your child's OT, PT, special education teacher, etc to make one. Here are some links with more information. 

http://www.playathomemomllc.com/2013/05/bouncy-ball-basics/
http://www.sinetwork.org/about-sensory-processing-disorder.html
http://sensorysmarts.com/sensory_diet_activities.html
http://www.autismfile.com/treatment-therapy/keep-your-cool