Consequences and Discipline

When disciplining a child the most important thing is that they LEARN THE LESSON, not receive the punishment. Does that make sense? Yes, they should receive a consequence, but we need to make sure they actually learned the lesson so they don't repeat the undesired behavior.

You also want to make sure the consequences make the most sense so that the lesson is learned.

Natural Consequences and Logical Consequences: 
Natural Consequences are the BEST because they are most likely to happen and tend to teach the best lesson. Logical Consequences are consequences that make the most sense, sometimes based on what the natural consequence would be if allowed to happen.
Here's an example: If you leave your bike out in the rain, it will likely rust. (or get stolen!). So if your child doesn't put his/her bike away- they should lose the privilege of being able to ride their bike (for a day or week perhaps). Another example: if you are mean to the cat, the cat won't want anything to do with you. So if the child is teasing/hitting the pets, then maybe they can't play with them for a day. If the natural consequence does actually occur this can be a very good lesson for the child (or spouse!).
So try to make the "punishment fit the crime" as they say, if possible. Also check with the child to see if they learned the lesson. "So honey you can't play with your toys today because you didnt clean them up yesterday. I hope you make better choices tomorrow", or "So what did you learn from not being able to play with your friends today? Yes you need to play nicely with them if you want a play date."

When you can't use the above consequences: (and other info)

• Take away a privilege that they care about. (This will vary depending on the child and child's age. TV, computer, wii, video games, ipad, cell phone, car use for teens, sporting event, trip to a special place that was planned, etc). Even if they say they don't care- they usually still do. Make sure they realize the consequence too. For example they lose going to baseball. So take them to baseball practice but they can't participate. (Believe me- they will care!) If they sit home and play video games when they lost baseball practice this isn't really going to work! If they lose 5 minutes of pool time, don't let them play in the house, have them sit poolside and watch their friends/siblings play. 

• Have them "Re-do" the behavior the correct way. "Try again" you could say when they answer you rudely. (See other post on that topic) 
• Try Rewards- (see other blog post on that)
• Have them earn their privileges instead of having them already available to them (like earning TV or computer time). 
• Get creative! 
• Discuss the lesson after/during the consequence
• Ignore them. This is the simplest and sometimes the most effective skill. Its called "Planned Ignoring". Ignore the tantrum, ignore the negotiation, ignore the arguing, ignore the attention-seeking behaviors. You can say "Im waiting until you are calm." or "Let me know when you are ready", and turn away from them (don't laugh even if they are being hilarious!!) and wait for them to stop the behavior (or do the direction you told them to do). 
• Don't argue! Don't negotiate! Give the direction. Remind them of the consequence. Then wait for child to do it. If they don't- they get a consequence. It's that simple! (TIP: Pre-set up a list of House Rules and Resulting Consequences so you dont have to think of a consequence in the moment, also so the child knows what to expect). 
• Time outs - this isn't just the typical 3-5 minutes on the step or couch or corner, but also an item can be in time out (like a toy kids are fighting over can be put out of play for a few minutes or longer), child has to sit out and not participate in something (see ideas above), child isn't given attention for inappropriate attention seeking behaviors. Remember with time outs you can do one minute per age for little kids. Older kids this isn't usually used. Special needs kids- do the amount of minutes they are developmentally, or half of what their age actually is, or whatever is attainable!
• Have the child explain why they got the time out/consequence to you, and how/what they will do differently and better next time. THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PART. This is how you can tell if they learned their lesson. I know I keep repeating this, but that's how important it is! "Yes you were in time out for hitting your sister, what should you do next time she takes your toy from you?" If the child can't come up with a response, wait and repeat the question so they don't just get away with saying "I dont know". Then if they genuinely don't know, throw out some suggestions and have them pick the right response. If possible act it out/role play the situation too. (With older kids (3-7 yr olds), little kids probably won't be able to do this(2-3 yr olds). 

Apologies: If you give your child a consequence and they beg and plead saying they are sorry. You should NOT give in, however acknowledge they are sorry, but still give a consequence (after all if you were to do something wrong at work, you might say you are sorry but may still be put on probation. Or if you got a speeding ticket, you can apologize to the cop, but he will likely still give you that ticket!) "I'm glad you are sorry, but you still are getting a consequence". 

Whining

Whining is an easy one to solve ....

Ignore whining. Say "I can only listen to your big girl/ boy voice". If child is having trouble re toning his request then model it for your child. Say the request for them to repeat. For example... "I want a drink please, mommy!" ( in a normal/ nice tone). 

Also you can record your child's voice and play it for them. You could imitate them to show them how they sound. Another option - you can say one phrase in two tones and have child identify which sounds better. If they pick the whiny one then just use a whiny voice when talking to them all day and see if they call you on it! 

Environmental or Physical problems that may be causing behavior

Environmental things that may be bothering your child that incite that behavior

Sometimes before setting up a whole behavior plan to deal with sudden increase in behaviors of a child you should check to see if there is anything in the child's environment or physical body that might be affecting them.
For example if suddenly they are really having alot of behavior problems you might check and see if they are sick or have an ear infection. That's sometimes a cause but the child can't or won't tell you how they feel, or they don't know what's going on with them.

Here are things to consider:

Noises (loud, strange, etc may bother kids)
Lights (too bright, hum loudly like ones in grocery stores/commercial buildings)
Need to use the bathroom (especially number 2....)
Hungry
Thirsty
Too Cold/Hot
Sick
Tired/Sleepy
Hurt/Headache/pain

Morning Routines and Picture Schedules

Routines are so important for kids- especially kids on the Autism spectrum.
If your child is having a hard time getting up and going in the morning and you find yourself constantly yelling for your child to get dressed, eat up, brush teeth, hurry up, etc... you can try a picture checklist, a reward chart, or a logical consequence.
I've heard of this idea: If your child misses the bus, "fine" them a small amount of money to drive them to school like they would have to pay a taxi/bus (but reasonable amount). If your child cares about their money, this should work.
Another idea I've heard: Let them go to school in their pajamas if they don't get dressed- and the consequence will take care of itself!
Other consequences could be losing TV/Computer/Game time when they get home from school, having to go to bed earlier the next night, etc.
If kids are motivated, they can do it.
Kids with ADHD might forget steps despite doing the same routine daily- so a picture list will save you some breath and words- let the pictures tell the child what to do next instead of having to yell at him all the time!

Picture Schedules are really helpful for organizing the day, helping kids know whats coming next, and can help prevent tantrums that often occur during transition times. Here are some picture schedules I have made. There are many pre-made ones that can be printed online or you can make your own individualized ones! 

Rewards and Consequences - ideas and charts

Use of Rewards is extremely effective for kids, especially kids with Autism, ADHD, ODD (oppositional defiant disorder), and related issues.
Find out what motivates your child. Rewards should be very individualized, personalized, and will vary based on the child's interest, age, and availability.
Rewards do not always have to be something bought like new toys.
Rewards could be :
-extra time (like stay up late, extra time on computer/game, etc)
-extra attention (play a game with mom/dad, go out somewhere with parents, etc...)
-special choice (pick what's for dinner, pick the movie the family watches, etc)
-trip out (for ice cream, accompanying mom/dad anywhere, playground, out to eat, etc)

Ask the child what they would like to earn or work for, and then negotiate.
If the reward can match the behavior that's even better! Like if they get all their homework done early they get to play a game with mom/dad or read an extra story before bed. Or if they do their chores (like set the table for example) they can help mom make dinner, if they like).

Reward charts can be about one specific behavior you want to increase, or used for several behaviors. The amount of time it takes to fill the chart should vary. For young children it should be pretty easy and often to get rewards (daily, or several times per day for extreme behaviors you are trying to stop), for pre teen kids usually weekly works, for teens, it should take longer to get rewarded (rewards for teens might be getting or using a cell phone, access to the family car, going on a trip/school event, things like that.)

Reward charts are super easy to make, print out, or even buy. Here are some of my favorite sites to find pre-made reward charts...
Super nanny reward charts  - info on how to make/use
Printable SuperNanny reward charts
Free printable reward charts
This site has alot of different types of charts
Chuck E Cheese Rewards - can't afford much? Use these Chuck E Cheese reward charts to get free tokens to play!


Types of reward charts:
Earn tokens/points/stickers to get to a goal (like need 10 stars to get reward)
Move along a track/up a chart/numbers to get to top/goal (move up from 1 to number 10 to earn reward)
Earn puzzle pieces to put entire puzzle together (earn the picture that is on the puzzle, or something else)

Opposite of a reward chart- a consequence chart could be losing tokens for misbehavior, or lose other things the child has/likes (take away a favorite toy, perhaps). I only suggest this method when you are trying to extinguish a behavior, not replace it with something else and rewards aren't working. Positive rewards are better, but you can try this strategy if that's not working or not possible with the type of behavior you are working on...

It's the "X" out the letters strategy.
For example a child keeps asking to go to the store when you already said No or Not now. Or a child keeps hitting or keeps doing something you want them to stop doing. A creative strategy I have used is to X out letters to something the child wants. For example I was working with a child who wanted to play with trains. I told him we have to do this and that first, then we can play trains. He kept asking me and I got really frustrated telling him same answer. So I wrote the word "TRAINS" on a white board, and told him every time he asks me I will X out a letter. If there are any letters left when we finish the work we were doing then we would play trains, if not, we wouldn't. After losing two letters, he got it and I never had a problem with that again! Another child I worked with wanted to go to the Pool but wasn't listening to what I was asking him to do- he kept screaming/making noises to be silly/clapping loudly for no reason, etc. So I drew 5 little pools on a paper, and I told him every time he does the screaming/misbehavior I would X out a pool. Once all the pools were gone, he couldn't go to the pool. He lost the pool one time (we used this method several times) and was usually pretty good after losing one X or two. Ive seen teachers use this method if the class is supposed to have a fun party and they are acting up that day (too excited or whatever). The teacher writes PARTY on the board, and every time the students are talking/not listening, etc she would X out a letter. They didnt want to lose that party so it was a good reminder to not get all the letters X'd out!

"Put In" Activities - teach children focus and fine motor skills

These are easy to make from wipes and tissue containers, just use small items like craft sticks, erasers, poker chips, etc for your preschool to put in and out of the container. You can connect the items to the box like I did or just leave them loose. 

The craft stick one is a challenge because you have t0 put it in a smaller hole- this teaches focus and fine motor finger skills. 

Sometimes instead of just buying erasers or small items to put in boxes I print out pictures of the child's favorite thing- like Sophia the First or the Ice Age characters and I laminate and turn it into a token! 

Give me Five- a popular phrase for teaching listening

Teaching Communication and Directions

Barrier games are great for teaching following directions, listening, giving directions, prepositional placement, and other skills! Both kids (or child and therapist/teacher/parent) each have the same pictures and a background. The person Giving Directions places pictures around the background page and tells the other person where to place there's. (There should be a divider or "Barrier" between the pictures). The other person tries to follow along. After a few pictures (Do maybe 10 or less), then remove barrier and see if the Follower or Listener of Directions followed what the Giver of Directions said!
(Here's an example of a direction: "Put the rooster on TOP of the barn in the Middle of the board. Put the Sheep to the Right of the Cow at the bottom of the page." etc)

See Speech Barrier Games explained
Barrier Games to Download

Angry Birds Barrier game I made from these links:
Easy to make your own! You just need two of each piece, two of each background!

Print the Angry Birds pictures Template 1 and 3 (two copies of each page)
Angry Birds pictures
Print 2 of these backgrounds : Background

Timers to teach focus

There are lots of ways to teach kids to focus. One is to use a Timer (you can use a kitchen timer, watch, phone, or timer app!). Have the child play with something (preferred) for 3-5 minutes. They can't switch activities until timer goes off. If they try to leave bring them back until the timer goes off. Then they can switch activities! You can also do various other table tasks in between taking breaks such as mazes, dot to dots, coloring, worksheets, puzzles, games, etc to work on focus. Do each activity for about 5-10 minutes (depending on child's age and ability) and then take a little break

Recommended apps: "Countdown", "VisTimerFree" for iphone.

You can buy timers specifically for teaching children with ADHD or learning needs at www.timetimer.com 

Lying

Lying

If your child lies alot it can be counter productive to ask him "Did you do 'thus and so'?" and then when he says "no" you punish him for lying and he will never admit to the truth. Its often more helpful to just say "I saw you do (whatever it was), so your consequence is..." or "I heard you did..." and then give a consequence or warning. If you really don't know if the child did something or not it may be helpful to ask them, but kids who lie constantly when you (or another witness) KNOW they did it, its usually easier to just not give them even an opportunity for lying and just move to the consequence for the behavior.

Angry Birds Reward chart

Move the Bird to the Pigs one space for every expected behavior. 

I made this chart for a former client. This is an example of the specific tailored-to-your-child's-interests kind of chart I can make! 

Volume management

If your child has trouble regulating their voice volume- too loud, too quiet, or fluctuates between both- this volume slider can be helpful! 

Cursing and Preschoolers

So... I know its HILARIOUS when your toddler/preschooler says a bad word but ... the best response is really not to respond. I know its really hard! Believe me! Because its so funny! But if you laugh it will just encourage the use. Even if you follow the laugh with "Don't say that!" they still remember "I said this word and Mommy laughed! I should do it again!" Even if they weren't looking for attention they will often jump on this chance for attention and continue the behavior.
(BTW these apply to not just typical curse words, but also potty words like "poopy" that kids like to say, or even "hate" and "stupid" that maybe be a problem in your home too).
So here are my suggestions...

1) Ignore (especially if they only say it once in a while. Even if you've laughed before, ignore it the next time).
2) Watch your OWN language!! Kids repeat what they hear. That goes for Mom, Dad, Grandparents, TV, Older siblings, etc...
3) Tell them "that word means something else, and its not nice to say" or"We arent allowed to use that word at school/in this house" (Even if you heard Daddy use before).  (Also Note ... It's Not necessary to explain what the word means to the child, but suffice to say the child likely has no idea what the word actually means- even if they use it "correctly"- they just know the word has power- it makes people laugh, yell at them, etc).
4) Make them aware they are using the word if they aren't realizing it. "That's a Red word" (Red words are things that aren't okay to say), or "We're not using potty words"
5) Teach them a "replacement word" which is a "Green word". Something silly is great. Make sure the replacement word is acceptable at School (not just at Home!).
6)If they continue to use the bad word tell them "if you are going to use "potty words" you have to use them only in the bathroom". Then send them to the bathroom every time they use a potty/curse word. Eventually they get tired of being left out of the group and the behavior usually stops. The assumption is the child is doing this behavior for attention and being sent out of the room means they lose attention, so it works!

There's a Red words and Green words social story on this site: "www.thewatsoninstitute.org"

Social Stories

"Social stories" are stories that teach a child the expected behavior in a given circumstance. Usually they are written from the child's point of view and work really well with kids on the autism spectrum though can also be used with other children as well.
FYI Carol Gray invented them so I have to give her a shout out!
http://www.thegraycenter.org/social-stories

I like to write my own but you can also find alot of websites that have pre-written ones!

Here's the basics for writing one:
Name the child and where they live or go to school.
Discuss the problem they are working on.
Discuss the expected behaviors for addressing the social problem. Include details /steps if needed
If necessary, name the unexpected/undesired behavior you do NOT want to see
Provide encouragement/praise for expected behavior

Here's an example Im making up right now for a child who needs to make their bed. Im going to make it really short but it can be longer and should include PICTURES. Photos of the child are the best if you can do that!
"Hello my name is Patience. I live in PA and work (normally you would write where the child goes to school  for instance, or where the child lives like town or with which parents/grandparents etc). I am working on making my bed. I need to make it EVERY morning when I wake up before I leave the house. I have to pull up the covers and smooth out the blankets.  If I make my bed my parents will be happy! It will make my room look nice and neat. If I DON't make my bed my mom and dad will be sad and my room will be messy. I will have to make my bed when  I get home if I forget to do it in the morning. I am doing a good job learning to make my bed! Mom and dad are proud of me!"
(disclaimer- I dont actually make my bed and my parents don't know about it! :) )
I hope that helps!
Here are some websites with some stories:

http://www.ccsd.edu/LittleTor.cfm?subpage=5804
http://www.thewatsoninstitute.org/teacher-resources2.jsp?pageId=2161392240601226415747290
http://blog.autismspectrumdirectory.com/2011/02/01/list-of-social-stories-and-visual-scripts-for-daily-living-and-social-skills/
http://kidscandream.webs.com/page12.htm

With the new technology out there now people are making social story Videos on youtube, also power point slides of stories, and even ones for the ipad! There are apps with social stories too. 

I can write an individualized story for your child if needed. 

Frozen Coping Skills

If your little darling loves Frozen and needs some calm down skills this might be helpful! 

ADHD tips for teachers

Impulse Control

—  Teach child to control impulses using games like Simon Says

—  Remind them to STOP and THINK

—  Raise your hand silently as a cue to raise hand if child is calling out and wait to call on them until they raise their hand (ignore them if they call out)

Reduce Distractions

—  Eliminate/avoid distractions in the room as much as possible

—  Sit ADHD child in FRONT of the class so they avoid distractions such as other students

—  Sit child so they do NOT face window, doors, highly decorated areas of the room

—  Sit away from toys and computers

—  Use a file folder “office” to block distractions

—  For tests sit in quiet section like back of room where less children are around

Keeping organized and on task

—  Many kids with ADHD cannot keep themselves regulated in If you can’t keep things regulated/organized INTERNALLY (in your head) you have to do so EXTERNALLY such as using calendars, to do lists, charts, sticky note reminders, etc

—  Help kids stay on task using Timers (www.timetimer.com),  make reminder notes, have visual schedules, mark backpack/folders with reminder notes, completion checklists, picture schedule of the day, and other visual reminders

Reward systems/motivators

—  Often children with ADHD, and ODD, and other behavior disorders (Autism, Disruptive Behavior Disorder, etc) do not have the internal motivation or desire to want to perform well, please parents/teachers, or achieve/succeed within themselves.  (Let’s face it we all have those days we’d rather play than work or learn! ) So they need EXTERNAL MOTIVATORs such as incentive/reward charts, tokens, behavior systems, earned allowance, etc. Basically find out what they want and then help them get that with doing the expected/preferred behavior.

—  Reward systems/charts should be individualized, tailored to child’s wants, needs and interests. If child is NOT interested/doesn’t want the reward, its too hard to achieve, or its not related to them, they are highly unlikely to utilize it and actually do what you are requesting.

—  Rewards DO NOT have to be Toys/Food (tangible) they can be –extra time, -special choice, -extra attention, -computer time at end of the day, -stickers, -coloring pages they enjoy, etc

—  For younger children small token/reward charts work great. Make it achievable. They should be able to earn in an hour or day if they are very young, or weekly for kids who are a little older or have achieved daily rewards already.

—  Older children should earn tickets/money/chips to cash in for prizes/rewards/ privileges

Other helpful tips

—  place child closer to front of room, sit student next to a calmer student or away from distractions, call on child often to answer questions, or repeat back information, sit child in a chair versus on the floor

—  Tap their desk/call name while teaching to get their attention

—  Have them run errands/be helper for class to get out extra energy

Remind of expected behavior and establish reasonable consequences

—  Tell children the expected behavior and the consequences if they don’t follow it – should be clear and concise. Remember if its simple they are more likely to hear it! For example “We are going to play musical chairs now. If you don’t follow the rules and get “out” when told, you can’t play the game again when we play next time” or “Now its time for art. If you splash the paint on the floor on purpose, you will have to sit out”.

Other disruptive behavior tips

—  Out of seat on carpet/crawling around:

                                -try a chair, carpet square, move away a little from the group

·         Talking to peers next to them:

- move them away from that peer, put them next to calmer/quieter kids (boy/girl/boy/girl can work)

·         Fidgeting:

- try a fidget toy to hold (if that toy becomes distracter, take it away until they focus, then return toy to them to see if that helps. If not, fidget toys won’t work. )

-Sit on a fidget seat (School’s OT consultant should have one), exercise ball, or bean bag for extra sensory input.

—  Butting in line/pushing children in line:

- put child at front or back of line, or several feet from others in line, remind of consequence “keep hands to yourself or you will have to go to back of line/lose recess/etc”

·         Have child take a walk/movement activity before having to sit for a while 

—  Wandering around/not transitioning to correct center/activity:

- small chart/list of centers to choose from. They mark off each center they complete on the list.

—  Not staying on task in the center:

                                - timer or task completion checklist

—  Waiting/transition time - fidgeting/touching others/etc:

                                -suggest a wait game or sing songs during that time

Classroom Rewards and Consequences  for everyone

—  Can be individuals earning stickers/rewards/tokens or whole class/group earns a collective prize:

For example if everyone is quiet they get extra 5 minutes recess, or if they are following directions all week, they get a special activity on Friday

—  Consequences could include sitting out of the activity, not being able to sit with a certain peer, losing a toy or other privilege, and call to parents 

Remember:

—  Be Consistent (keep rules the same)

—  Be Fair (don’t always have one child be in trouble if several are doing same behaviors)

—  Give Consequences/Follow through! (if you said it would be the consequence- then make sure it is! Child will learn from that and not keep making same mistakes!)

—  Use Rewards !! (makes everyone more happy!)

Pick your battles! Hierarchy of Behaviors

If you aren't sure which battles to pick with your students/children/clients here is an easy way to make that decision (Ive heard these before, so nothing new here, just condensed information).

These are ranked from MOST important to intervene in first, to least important. Once you have the first ones accomplished, solved, controlled, managed, etc then move down the list!

1. Dangerous behaviors - anything UNSAFE, like running off (eloping) down the street, not holding mom/dads hand in parking lot, threatening or actually hurting people, weapons, aggression (kicking, biting, hitting, etc), suicidal, homicidal, etc
2. Destructive behaviors - destroying property, throwing things, climbing on things, ruining other people's belongings, hurting furniture/walls, somewhat lower level aggression than above, etc.
3. Disruptive behaviors - interrupts class at school, causes major turmoil/problem in the home- behaviors like screaming, yelling, threatening, running around, calling out at school (sometimes), loudness/volume of voice, some stimming behaviors in autistic kids, not getting along with other children/social skills problems, etc...
4. Disturbing behaviors - annoying behaviors like talking disrespectfully, biting nails, eating boogers, scripting (autistic kids), stimming (sometimes), whining, teasing, etc
   (PLEASE NOTE- These should definitely be addressed!! However first work on the above problems if the child has all of these types of behaviors, the unsafe ones are the most concerning and need to be addressed FIRST).

Example: Child screams, tantrums, kicks, throws things, talks disrespectfully, and calls out in class. He doesn't have any friends.
What do you work on first?

• First address his aggression like tantrums, kicking, throwing things in the classroom
• Then target the screaming, and other disruptive behaviors
• Next work on calling out
• Last work on him making friends/getting along with peers

Does that make sense?
Often you can work on all the behaviors simultaneously, but some children have so many behaviors and needs that its impossible to target all at once, so this gives you an outline of the hierarchy of behaviors. I hope it helps!

Keep Working Slider

I made this "Keep Working" Slider for a client to help encourage him to continue to do homework and school work instead of needing alot of prompting from teacher/parents (He has one at home and school). The teacher can put the little bead on the "Get Started" far Left side, and then slide it along as he continue to work. When the bead reaches the far Right side he is finished and earns reward (snack, draw a picture, sticker, play time, etc). I think it will work! 

Traffic Light Behavior Chart idea

Many schools use the traffic light behavior chart system where the student is placed on "Green" (on a chart, the board, or has a green card, etc) to mean "Good Behavior". "Yellow" means "Warning". "Red" means you are in trouble/get a consequence. Some schools also have Orange and Black which may indicate going to see Principal, call home to Mom/dad, and other consequences. 

I made this for a family to use at home. There are two sets of circles, one for each child. I put the child's name on a clothespin. The parents can move the child's clothespin to let the child know where they are. The clothespin can move up and down. It helps kids aware of where they are in their behavior, and keeps parents on track so they don't have to give a zillion "warnings" but can move right to "Red" if child is not listening and give a consequence.