Anger Management

Helping your child calm their anger ~  Strategies for parents

~ by, Patience Domowski, LCSW

·         Remind your child it’s okay to be angry but they need to make good choices when angry

·         Make a list with your child of anger coping strategies and post it somewhere easy to see in the home

·         Model using anger calming strategies for your child and let them know you are using the strategy. (For example: “I am really angry right now that you colored on the walls. I am going to take some deep breaths to calm down.” or “I am really angry that you lied to me about your homework. I am going to go to my room to calm down and then we can talk about it later.”)

·         Name your child’s anger so they can recognize how they feel and also empathize with them. Just acknowledging the feeling can be helpful. Then offer a solution, if possible. (For example: “You seem really angry. I know its upsetting when your brother doesn’t want to play with you. It’s okay to be upset. Let’s figure out what we can do instead!”)

·         Notice what sets your child off and try to avoid it if possible. For example: If telling your child “No” makes them angry try saying “Yes, after_______” if they can have what they want after they finish something you want them to do (behavior, homework, chores, et)

·         Notice when your child is starting to escalate and bring it to their attention that they should use a calming strategy or if you know a situation is about to occur during which your child is likely to be upset prepare them to use a proper coping skill beforehand (For example: “I have to tell you something that will probably make you mad, please try to make a good choice and take a deep breath and let’s figure it out. Okay here is the news…”)

·         If your child needs time away to calm down- give them space instead of yelling at them. If you think it’s rude for them to walk away and if they cannot ask for space politely, try a “code word” which lets you both know you need some space to calm down. The word should be silly and respected if used.

·         Try a simple reward to help give your child an incentive to use their calming strategies such as a piece of candy if they use a strategy, or they get out of the something if they calm down, for example

·         Tell your child when they are calm we will discuss how to problem solve the situation

·         Try not to give them attention for making poor choices but more attention when they make good choices. Praise your child for making a good choice by calming down and focus on that good choice versus the other angry behaviors