Food Allergies and Anxiety

Food Allergies and Anxiety

By Patience Domowski, LCSW

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More and more children seem to be developing food allergies these days. Kids with severe reactions often are very anxious about their allergies because they don’t want the consequences of a reaction (such as trouble breathing), and can be worried that other people won’t be understanding of their allergy. For example a child who had to be hospitalized for going into anaphylactic shock from peanut butter on someone’s fingers at a birthday party  is naturally going to be little more wary and even nervous to attend another birthday party. They don’t want to end up in the hospital again! Or another child who tells their friend’s mom they can’t have seafood and the mom serves shrimp for dinner anyway might be concerned that people don’t understand them or care. Sometimes kids even get teased about their allergies or told they aren’t real. This is very upsetting for the allergic child and can make them quite frightened as some kids’ allergic reactions are life -threatening.

 

Ways to help your food-allergic child feel less anxious:

-Teach them nice ways to explain to others about their allergies, maybe even give them little business cards with information on it to pass out to friends and friend’s parents so they understand a little better.

-Teach them how to check food labels so they can be confident what they eat won’t make them react, and ask grown-ups present to help them double-check as well

-Remind them that just because they had an allergic reaction in a certain situation before (like at a party, or school), doesn't mean it will happen again- child and family will be more careful next time

-Remind them of the protocol of what to do if they think they are having an allergic reaction and who to ask for help, carry epi-pen if needed or other medications

-Teach some coping strategies for anxiety such as deep breathing, thinking happy/calm thoughts, and making a plan to handle problems that arise

-Joining a food allergy support group can be helpful for parents and children

-If they continue to show excessive anxiety, have them see a child behavioral therapist

 

Ways to help others understand your child’s allergies:

-Provide some basic education, nicely, to other parents, friends, teachers, etc on how the food allergy affects your child and what they need to avoid and how (can they just not ingest a food, or not even be near it?)

-Remind friend’s parents before a playdate or party and also pack safe foods for your child so the other parent doesn't have to worry about what to feed your child at their house

-Even if your child has a 504 for allergies at school, inform any new teachers or lunch aides about the allergies, and ask teachers to tell other parents coming into the classroom with food for parties about the concerns. Suggest other options that won’t affect your child like toys, stickers, or other foods that are safe and yummy to bring in to the class, or say you will provide all treats for your child at these events.

-If your child is being teased or bullied about allergies, provide some education to the other person about the seriousness of the reaction and why its not cool to be mean about it. Report the bullying incidents to the authorities such as school staff or adults in charge at the event.

-Tell teachers and other adults involved with your child some ways you are working on teaching coping strategies to your child to handle their anxieties like ‘remind them to take deep breaths’ or ‘please tell my child I packed his lunch so he doesn't need to worry’, etc.

-Give everyone written and verbal information on how to handle allergic reactions, symptoms and how to dispense medication in case something does happen. For example while the school nurse is trained to use an epi-pen, the chaperone on a field trip might not be trained, so they would need that information in advance

Other tips:

Connect with other parents dealing with same situation for more ideas and supports. Make sure your child is getting support as well if they are emotionally affected by their allergies.

Making Friends at a New School

Making Friends at a New School

By Patience Domowski, LCSW

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Starting at a new school can be so hard for kids! Whether it’s the start of a normal school transition like Kindergarten, or beginning of middle or high school, or starting in the middle somewhere because you moved to a new district, it’s really difficult. It’s normal to be nervous and not happy about it.

You’re the ‘new kid’ like it or not, and everyone already has friends and a group, so you automatically feel left out. While some kids can be welcoming and friendly it can still be difficult or take a while to find your niche. Here are some helpful tips:

  • Be friendly, even if you’re naturally shy, and introduce yourself to people. Smile and look happy, even if you don’t really feel that way. People are automatically attracted to happy and friendly looking people.

  • Try to sit with others and interact with them. Acknowledge you are new and ask for insight and help (even if you don’t really need it). You can start with ‘Hey, I’m new here, can you tell me about this teacher?’, or ‘What do you think of the cafeteria food here?’, or ‘How do I find the library?’. Often people appreciate being asked for help and will engage with you.

  • Ask for someone to show you around the school. The principal may have already set this up. Maybe the person who shows you around may become a friend, if not they can at least introduce you to other people. If they don’t automatically do so you can ask them to introduce you.

  • Join any clubs, activities, programs, sports you may be interested in. If you aren’t sure what you’d like to participate in, try a few out and see what you like. Finding others with similar interests is a great way to make new friends.

  • If you find someone you think would make a great friend try inviting them to come see your new house, or hang out sometime. If they say they are busy ask when is a good time. If they keep putting you off, move on to someone else.

  • If you make one friend, try to meet their already existing friends and connect with them too.

  • If your parents allow have a party at your house and invite everyone. Whomever comes, try to talk to them and secure future plans.

  • In some elementary schools there is a ‘buddy bench’ to sit on at recess if you need a friend. If you sit there other kids will come around and ask you to play.

  • If the school is really cliquey recognize it’s not your fault, and keep trying. Remember it can take a while sometimes, but you’ll get there.

  • Be okay with just one or two friends. Your friend group will slowly grow if you want it to, but it doesn't have to be the same amount as at your previous school.

  • If it’s not going well, ask the teacher or school counselor for help.

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Helpful Book for Elementary and Middle school age children for making and keeping friends:

Lily Makes Friends, by Patience Domowski. Available on Amazon.

Helpful tips for anxiety when starting at a new school.

No Social Media? What to do when you feel left out.

No Social Media? When you Feel Left Out

By, Patience Domowski, LCSW

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When all your friends are talking about ‘Insta’ and Tweeting and ‘Snapping’ and you’re not… you’re likely feeling left out. So what do you do if all your friends are on Social Media and you’re not?

Maybe you’re not on social media because you’re parents won’t let you, you’ve lost the privilege because you got in trouble for making a poor choice online, or you’re just too young but your older siblings and friends are on there (legal age is 13+). Maybe you just don’t really want to get sucked into Instagram or your parents won’t let you have a smartphone, or they let you do some social media but not others.

Regardless of why you can’t be on it, what do you do about it?

1)Realize it's okay to not be doing something just because ‘everyone else’ is. It’s certainly hard, and you may feel left out, but realize there’s a reason you aren’t on it, and it’s okay.

2) Find other ways to connect with your friends- texting, talking in person, emails, etc

3)Remember not everything on social media is real. For example often people only present their ‘best selves’ and will only show pictures of them looking their best, or pictures that look like they’re having fun, when that might not be the reality of their life.

4)Try to cultivate other aspects of your social life that is offline such as joining clubs, activities, gatherings, and other events. Try to take up hobbies and find other interests. Kids are often happier interacting in person and having hobbies and interests than just perusing their friend’s profiles online.

Being on social media can cause some depression too. Seeing all the ‘perfect’ lives of your friends, realizing you’re not invited to parties that everyone else enjoyed, or even being a target of cyber bullying, can all cause feelings of sadness and loneliness. Remember that it's not about how many online friends or followers you have, or how many ‘likes’ on your photos you get, but it's about the real-life connections and friendships you make that will last and be more meaningful and real for you now and in the future.

Its okay to remind your friends ‘Hey, I'm not on facebook, so if you throw a birthday party, make sure to personally invite me!’ If you feel like you’re not being invited or included in activities, maybe set up an event or party yourself. Invite everyone with text or email, or be super old school and send print invitations in the mail. Then the people who come are people you can be friends with. You can still take pictures and enjoy the event, even if its not online.

As you get older your parents may allow you a presence online, or as you learn to make more mature decisions they may loosen the rules. Or even not, when you’re an adult you can decide these things for yourself. But make sure you’re not getting sucked into doing anything just because ‘everyone else is doing it’ and that you’re still grounded in ‘Real Life’ friendships and social connections, not just online ones.