Anger Management

Helping your child calm their anger ~  Strategies for parents

~ by, Patience Domowski, LCSW

·         Remind your child it’s okay to be angry but they need to make good choices when angry

·         Make a list with your child of anger coping strategies and post it somewhere easy to see in the home

·         Model using anger calming strategies for your child and let them know you are using the strategy. (For example: “I am really angry right now that you colored on the walls. I am going to take some deep breaths to calm down.” or “I am really angry that you lied to me about your homework. I am going to go to my room to calm down and then we can talk about it later.”)

·         Name your child’s anger so they can recognize how they feel and also empathize with them. Just acknowledging the feeling can be helpful. Then offer a solution, if possible. (For example: “You seem really angry. I know its upsetting when your brother doesn’t want to play with you. It’s okay to be upset. Let’s figure out what we can do instead!”)

·         Notice what sets your child off and try to avoid it if possible. For example: If telling your child “No” makes them angry try saying “Yes, after_______” if they can have what they want after they finish something you want them to do (behavior, homework, chores, et)

·         Notice when your child is starting to escalate and bring it to their attention that they should use a calming strategy or if you know a situation is about to occur during which your child is likely to be upset prepare them to use a proper coping skill beforehand (For example: “I have to tell you something that will probably make you mad, please try to make a good choice and take a deep breath and let’s figure it out. Okay here is the news…”)

·         If your child needs time away to calm down- give them space instead of yelling at them. If you think it’s rude for them to walk away and if they cannot ask for space politely, try a “code word” which lets you both know you need some space to calm down. The word should be silly and respected if used.

·         Try a simple reward to help give your child an incentive to use their calming strategies such as a piece of candy if they use a strategy, or they get out of the something if they calm down, for example

·         Tell your child when they are calm we will discuss how to problem solve the situation

·         Try not to give them attention for making poor choices but more attention when they make good choices. Praise your child for making a good choice by calming down and focus on that good choice versus the other angry behaviors

Sleep problems

Sleep Strategies~ when your child has trouble sleeping~ Patience Domowski, LCSW

Falling asleep/bedtime routine

·         Turn off screens at least half hour before bed [Don’t let kids keep their ipads and phones in their rooms at night. Parents can charge them in their own bedroom or elsewhere in the house.]

·         Use a bedtime routine including reading books before bed. Sometimes a calming bath is helpful.

·         Sleepytime tea or warm milk can help

·         Listening to music while falling asleep can be helpful for some kids (check with your child if they think this would be helpful or too distracting)

·         Noise machine // fan// sound machine

·         Melatonin (natural vitamin that helps you fall/stay asleep) can buy over the counter at pharmacy

·         Progressive muscle relaxation (can find many scripts for this online)

·         Remind yourself everything will be okay

·         For racing thoughts: write down what need to do tomorrow// or what you’re thinking about to get it out of your head

·         Talk to doctor about medication if necessary

For nightmares:

·         Think happy thoughts / make a “happy things to think about before bed” Sweet Dreams box and have your child draw pictures of things he likes and pick out what he wants to dream about before bed

·         Use a Dream Catcher (can make one easily- look online for craft ideas)

·          Prayers

·         Assure them they will be okay

·         Watch a funny show or funny podcast before bed so thinking happy thoughts

Won’t sleep on their own

·         Parent stay with child until they fall asleep in their own room

·         Let child sleep on floor in parents room getting closer to door until can be in their own room

·         Let pets sleep with child or share bedroom with sibling

·         Give reward in morningif child stays in room all night or falls asleep on their own

Separation Anxiety

Separation anxiety

Is your child having difficulty separating from mom and dad at school, daycare, or visiting the other parent in divorced situations? 

Tip: try a "transitional object" like a favorite blanket, stuffed animal, toy, or even a small keychain photo of mom and dad that goes with the child everywhere. 

For older kids... A small trinket with meaning or a photo they can keep in their pocket can be helpful.

Also remind kids you will always come back for them and when you do pick them up, remind them you came back just like you promised. Lots of hugs and kisses! 

Anxiety - about going new places and separation anxiety

Anxiety about going somewhere new

Some kids have alot of anxiety about going somewhere new (or somewhere they haven't been in a while) or visiting/meeting new people.
Some kids may not show their anxiety, but rather internalize it (may be worried but not express it) and other kids express it in different ways.
Some kids show this anxiety in the typical way: clinging to mom/dad, crying, refusing to go.
Other kids show this anxiety by throwing a fit or a tantrum. Sometime parents don't recognize the reason for the tantrum- the child doesn't or can't appropriately express his feelings so they throw a fit.

Tip: Review and prepare. Show the child the website of where you are going (all attractions like museums, zoos, etc have websites with pictures), or show your child pictures of who you are visiting (grandparents for example). Discuss what you will do, what you will see, etc. Explain to the child its okay and normal to be a little anxious about doing something new or going somewhere new. Tell the child what the OK reaction should be. Also remind them how they can cope (hug parents, hold their hand, bring their favorite toy). Finally make sure you emphasize the fun part! Remind kids it will be fine.
Some kids do great with "Social Stories" where a story is written with the child in the story and it explains what will happen, what the expected behavior is, and reminds the child they are doing a great job learning whatever the skill is you want them to learn. (Search online for some free available social stories, or you can make one up yourself! I'll do another blog post on how to write them soon)

Here's an example of something you can say to your anxious child Before you go, and maybe during the car ride too.  "I know sometimes you (or use "kids" in general if the child gets upset if you specifically focus on them) get a little worried or anxious when going somewhere new. Its okay, and normal. Even mommies and daddies get anxious sometimes. (You can say if its true that you feel a little nervous too).  Remember you can tell me "I feel worried" or "I'm scared" (use whatever feeling word you think your child is most familiar with and would understand) and come give me a hug, or you can hold my hand until you feel comfortable.We're going to do and see lots of fun things (give specific examples if you can).  I'm sure you will have lots of fun!

 (If you are leaving the child with a new babysitter for example, however, explain you will be back very soon and will give lots of hugs and kisses when you return, and you will miss them too.)

Function of Behavior/ Why is the child doing this behavior?

Why? That is the question

If you can figure out WHY your child (or student in a classroom, for teachers) is doing what they are doing, you are much closer to figuring out how to solve the problem/intervene.

There are 3 basic functions for behavior (I know, shocking its so few, huh?!)
1. To Obtain/Get Something (or Get Attention)
2. To Escape/Avoid Something
3. For sensory input/stimulation

So look at what happens BEFORE the behavior (called the "Antecedent")
Then Look at what happens AFTER the behavior (called the "Consequence"- doesnt have to be negative or a punishment, in this case).

Here's an example:
Teacher says "Time for work". Child screams and throws himself on the floor. Teacher comes over and asks what's wrong and tries to talk child into doing work.
What do you think the function is?
Well it could be for (1.) Attention (from the teacher, even if the teacher is also going to punish the child), or for (2.) to escape work. Or is it (3.) the child enjoys making loud sounds? Hmm it might be a little bit of everything. (Some behaviors do hit all the above functions, and those are difficult!). So try different responses (whether changing the antecedent or the consequence) to see what happens.
So teacher says "Time for Work", Child screams and hits the floor. Teacher ignores. (Other children need to ignore too). Child then returns to work, or does another behavior (Okay then they want attention).
Teacher says "Time for work"; child screams, teacher sends the child out of the classroom to sit in the hallway, see the principal, etc. Child complies (and maybe even is happy about it). Likely reason is for Escape (child avoided work).

Another thing to consider is- is this behavior due to a skill deficit? For example can the child not do the work he is asked to do? Is it too difficult? Does he/she not understand? Does the child not have the skills (wasnt taught for example) to raise his/her hand and ask for help?
Teaching the replacement behavior (ask for a break or ask for help- for example) would be the best response.

To figure out number 3- the best test is to answer this question: If the child was completely alone, wasn't given any attention, and wasn't being given a demand (direction to follow), would the child do this behavior? If so, its likely for sensory stimulation.
 

Boredom problems

Boredom

Is it okay for your kids to be bored? This is a great question. Especially during the summer!

There are two pieces to it. (pros/cons):
1)  Pro: When kids are bored; they (often) become creative. 
So it can be a good thing. If there is no TV to watch, nothing planned to do, they might invent a new game, make a creative project/craft, etc. Kids should have some "down time" to make some creative choices.
If your child has a really hard time with "down time" and just wanders aimlessly about or whines- give them a few choices and allow them to be creative within those choices. This way they learn how to solve the boredom problem themselves. For example make a large poster with a list of activities they could do, or suggest a few and leave it up to them.

Here are some of my suggestions to post on the list: 
-Play with toy animals like dinosaurs, stuffed animals, little plastic farm /zoo animals, etc...
-Play with dolls/action figures/etc (girls and boys should both be encouraged to use their imagination with this type of play)
-play with blocks (large wooden blocks, legos, megablocks, etc) - build a tower, fort, castle, etc. Knock it down, build it large enough to go inside of it, invite the dolls/animals inside, etc...
-Crafts/Coloring books/Art
-Computer- not just computer games, but design or build or draw, etc or write something, play with fonts/graphics/etc
-Board games/card games/ etc
-Read a book!
-Write a book! Write a story/journal/etc
-Make a movie (with most of today's cameras and even cell phones this is pretty easy to do)
-Make a fort/house/boat/etc out of couch cushions, pillows, blankets, tables/chairs, etc.
-Dress up! Make believe/ etc
-Go outside- play pretend "house", run around, play outdoor games, ride bikes/scooters/etc

Places to go: (free or cheap)
-Take a walk
-Playground
-Mall (to walk/look around, not necessarily to shop)
-Library (get books, also alot of Free programs/activities especially in the summer)
-Local Farm
-Museums, Zoo, Aquarium, amusement parks, etc (Look for Coupons, Groupon/Living Social deals online. Also buy a family membership and go multiple times in a year for the best money savings!)
-Bowling
-Mini golf
-Movie theatre
-Local Events like outdoor fairs/festivals, etc.

2.) Con:  If they are TOO bored, they will often get into trouble/do something you DON'T want them to do. (especially kids with behavior problems) 
So like I mentioned above- give them some choices (make a list like above), also you can make a loose framework of the days like suggest different activities every few hours, or have an outing a few days /week in the summer, and some weekends. Kids don't need to be Constantly on the go- they will get exhausted and never learn how to stimulate themselves when bored, but they do need some things to do. Find the balance that works great for your child and try to help them find something constructive to do, as well as learn how to solve the boredom problem for themselves. (As a parent/teacher- don't always tell your child what he/she can do; but make a few suggestions or point to a list if you have one- and let them choose so they learn to solve their own situations, instead of expecting parents to solve it all for them, creating dependent children who aren't learning independent life skills).

Make a Bored List! (Downloadable Sample List)

Downloadable printable list of local activities (Chester County and surrounding areas). 
 

Getting your child to talk about their day

Getting your child to talk to you about their day at school/camp/etc

If your child comes home from school and won't talk about their day, here are some suggestions...

1) Don't let them get away with "I dont know" or a shrug when you ask them about it. Keep asking, or don't let them move on until they give a response. Often they just dont want to think about it or hope you will just let it go. Once they learn they have to respond with something, they usually will! If they need some time to decompress after they come home, try asking them about it at dinner or bedtime instead of right off the bus.

2) Suggest options for them to pick from: "Which special did you have today? Music or Art?" , or give more closed-ended questions to get them thinking more specifically. "Who did you sit with on the bus?" ," What did you play at recess?" "Tell me something new/funny/etc that happened today?" If they are in preschool, for example, and the teacher sends home a paper/note daily to tell parents about the child's day, use that as a jumping off point to discuss. "I see your teacher said you played with playdough today, tell me about that?" or "Oh you had gym today, what did you play in gym class?"

3) Everyone in the family has to share something about their day at dinner. With parents and older siblings modeling this, younger children will often soon learn how to join in. It just becomes the expectation to discuss. This could be done at bedtime alternatively.

4) Let the child draw a picture of something that happened that day, or write down a response if they are not verbal learners or have difficulty with communication (often this will work better with kids with Aspergers)

5) I made up a form that I have used with some clients to have them write a little something or draw something about their day. In therapy I have used "I don't know" tickets. I give the child 5 tickets for example in therapy and when I ask them questions if they say " I don't know" I take away a ticket. When they run out of tickets (may be for a few different questions, not all at once) then they have to respond. Kids usually catch on quick and don't want to lose the tickets so will answer! Even if the tickets don't mean anything! They also will often not need the tickets after a few sessions, because they learn that I won't just drop it and they get used to responding to me.

6) Consider that your child might legitimately not know due to memory issues, too young to process, or they can't think about what happens in different settings when not in that setting. Try suggestion number 2 above and if that's unsuccessful, they may just not be able to respond at this time (until they are older or more advanced in learning/cognitive skills).

Error Correction (Re-doing the expected behavior after making a mistake)

"Error Correction" is an "in the moment" teaching opportunity.
Basically take the child back to where they made the error (physically) and "re-do" the behavior the correct way.

For example: You are holding child's hand walking in the store. The child suddenly runs off. You chase him down. Instead of just telling him "Don't do that again!" Take him back to where he started to run off and hold his hand and make him walk that same space.

Another example I can give from experience. I used to see a child for therapy in a daycare. When I would show up he would rolls his eyes and groan. I was teaching him social skills and that is not the proper way to greet anymore, especially an adult. So I said "Let's try that again" and I told him what the expected behavior was: "You should say "Hi Miss Patience!" when I arrive. So I went back out the door and came back, expecting him to use the right behavior. We practiced that awhile. Another client I had would stick out his tongue when I arrived. I tried the same thing. I would go back outside and re-knock on his door and have him greet me properly. After a few weeks of that (I only visited 1-2x/week) he now does it properly without having to "re-do" the greeting.

By redoing the behavior in the moment it helps the child learn "muscle memory" to remember what to do. Kids tend to learn better (and so do some adults!) from kinetic learning (using your body) more than just verbal learning. So acting out a behavior or role-playing a social scenario can teach the skill better than just lecturing or telling a child what to do next time without practicing it.

Potty Training

Potty Training

If your child is ready for potty training... 
(To be ready the child should be able to notice they are eliminating/voiding, such as going off in the corner to "go", asking for diaper change right away, feeling uncomfortable with a full diaper, showing interest in the bathroom, able to request the bathroom- for verbal children). 
Usually children are around 2-3 years old. (Developmentally delayed children may be around 4-6 yrs old or older.) Occasionally a child is ready around 18 months old. 

-Start putting them in underwear (can put diaper over/under underwear if child makes alot of accidents and its not possible to allow them to wet themselves multiple times per day).
[Note: Some parents let children run naked in the backyard in the summer and when they see them start to go, they rush them to the toilet (like training a puppy). This works for Some kids.]
-Try putting them on the toilet (or baby potty) every 10-30 minutes all day (pick which amount of time works best for you and the child's preschool), routinely (may take days or weeks, especially with kids with special needs it may take months or years).
-Have them sit for about 7-10 minutes at a time on the toilet (use a child's toilet seat on the toilet so the child doesn't fall in!)
-Sing, read a book, watch a movie on a portable DVD player, do puzzles, color a picture, etc. Make it fun! Not a punishment! (If child gets up/won't sit, just hold them on the toilet gently for the count of 10, and let them off of it. Can also try keeping their clothes on at first to get comfortable with it, or try a small baby potty if they are scared of large toilet)
-If they eliminate/void on the toilet, they can immediately get up (don't have to wait the rest of the minutes). Don't forget to wipe! [**Girls should always wipe front to back to prevent infections!!]. Teach child how to wipe themselves. Use wet wipes, then fade out to toilet paper, if you want.
-Give alot of social praise : "Yay! Good job!" high five, hugs, etc "You went on the potty!" and also give a special treat if they "go" that they ONLY get at this time (cupcakes, Popsicle, candy, chocolate, etc).
-Have child flush the toilet, and pull up their underwear (or pull-up)- they may need help, but let them try on their own first, and show them where to put their hands (front and back works better than just the two sides).
- Wash hands!! Even if child didn't void on the toilet, or wipe self they should still learn the importance of washing hands, it gives an extra opportunity to clean hands throughout the day (best way to avoid germs!) plus an opportunity to teach children how to wash hands!

**Note: By about 4 or 5 years old (typical) kids should be able to wipe themselves (may not be super effective if they make a bowel movement, but they should be able to try by themselves first). It may be harder for kids with special needs, if they don't have the right dexterity or can't reach well. Try wet wipes and then move to regular toilet paper.

Additional ideas/information: 
-When beginning to introduce potty training, have child watch you (parents) use the toilet. You could even have child (clothed) sit on your lap when you go to the bathroom, so they see what happens.
-Another idea is to always change child's diaper in the bathroom, when you are starting this process.
-And/or have child sit on toilet or go in bathroom whenever they soil their diaper so they start connecting that when they go in their diaper, it should be in the bathroom.
-Have child flush toilet for parents, or when you put the poo from the diaper in there, for example to help them be more a part of the process and for child to see where poo should go!
- Reading potty training kids books like "Elmo uses the potty" or using potty training dolls can be helpful for some kids. Practicing putting dolly/elmo/bear/etc on the toilet is good idea.
-Potty training sticker charts may work for some kids instead of immediate food/candy rewards.
-Use a step stool/bench under child's feet so they don't dangle if child is scared, and also to push off of to make a bowel movement.
-Have child drink ALOT of water/juice during the day, and on the potty during training.
-Have child change their own clothes or clean up puddles if they have an accident- don't punish them, but stress that pee-pee belongs in the potty.
-If child is dry when its potty time and they had no accidents, praise them, and point out they are dry (specific praise) and emphasize pee goes in the potty.
-Teaching boys to "Aim" .. throw some Cheerios in there and have them try to "sink" the O's! (Don't do this if your child likes to put hands in the potty as he might try to reach in and eat them!)
-Boys need to "point"/Aim DOWN, make sure they hold/push themselves downward (if you know what I mean!) or parents can do it for them until they learn how; otherwise pee will go all over the room, and likely on the parents too! (this always happens at least once when potty training!!) :)
-Teach Boys to SIT first for both pee and poop, then teach them to stand up. (Dad can teach them how to use a urinal). Boys also need to learn how to pee without pulling down their pants all the way in public. This should be taught after they are fully potty trained with the sit-down method for the most part.
-For Girls- always wipe every time- front to back!! To avoid infections and UTIs!
-Boys (especially if uncircumcised) should really wipe even for pee as well to prevent infections too- if a little bit of pee is left on their skin and it gets inside, it can cause some infections/UTIs sometimes.

 Different kids learn different ways so don't be too discouraged if your child needs another method!
Ask your child's preschool teacher, other parents, therapists, and your child's doctor for more ideas or to come up with a unique specific plan for your child if needed! Remember if your child isn't ready, you can take a break and try again later. Also it may take longer than what your friends may tell you and don't feel discouraged- keep trying or try a different method if something doesn't work!

The ideas above come from various experiences and suggestions from teachers, therapists, parents, etc and different experiences I have had working with different professionals and parents with potty training children, especially special needs children.  I hope it helps!

Here's some potty training tips for 3day training- great ideas, though it likely won't work on special needs kids.

 http://yourmodernfamily.com/potty-training-in-three-days-2/ 

Sensory

Some children have Sensory issues which can be causing behavior. To find out- have them evaluated by an Occupational Therapist (OT) at school or outpatient. Sensory behavior may include avoiding certain textures- food, touch, clothes; or sensory seeking like crashing into walls, craving tight hugs, jumping excessively, etc. Children with autism and ADHD often have sensory issues. Some children without any mental health issues have sensory concerns too. 

A "sensory diet" is helpful for kids with sensory needs. This doesn't mean food but rather activities. Consult with your child's OT, PT, special education teacher, etc to make one. Here are some links with more information. 

http://www.playathomemomllc.com/2013/05/bouncy-ball-basics/
http://www.sinetwork.org/about-sensory-processing-disorder.html
http://sensorysmarts.com/sensory_diet_activities.html
http://www.autismfile.com/treatment-therapy/keep-your-cool

Consequences and Discipline

When disciplining a child the most important thing is that they LEARN THE LESSON, not receive the punishment. Does that make sense? Yes, they should receive a consequence, but we need to make sure they actually learned the lesson so they don't repeat the undesired behavior.

You also want to make sure the consequences make the most sense so that the lesson is learned.

Natural Consequences and Logical Consequences: 
Natural Consequences are the BEST because they are most likely to happen and tend to teach the best lesson. Logical Consequences are consequences that make the most sense, sometimes based on what the natural consequence would be if allowed to happen.
Here's an example: If you leave your bike out in the rain, it will likely rust. (or get stolen!). So if your child doesn't put his/her bike away- they should lose the privilege of being able to ride their bike (for a day or week perhaps). Another example: if you are mean to the cat, the cat won't want anything to do with you. So if the child is teasing/hitting the pets, then maybe they can't play with them for a day. If the natural consequence does actually occur this can be a very good lesson for the child (or spouse!).
So try to make the "punishment fit the crime" as they say, if possible. Also check with the child to see if they learned the lesson. "So honey you can't play with your toys today because you didnt clean them up yesterday. I hope you make better choices tomorrow", or "So what did you learn from not being able to play with your friends today? Yes you need to play nicely with them if you want a play date."

When you can't use the above consequences: (and other info)

• Take away a privilege that they care about. (This will vary depending on the child and child's age. TV, computer, wii, video games, ipad, cell phone, car use for teens, sporting event, trip to a special place that was planned, etc). Even if they say they don't care- they usually still do. Make sure they realize the consequence too. For example they lose going to baseball. So take them to baseball practice but they can't participate. (Believe me- they will care!) If they sit home and play video games when they lost baseball practice this isn't really going to work! If they lose 5 minutes of pool time, don't let them play in the house, have them sit poolside and watch their friends/siblings play. 

• Have them "Re-do" the behavior the correct way. "Try again" you could say when they answer you rudely. (See other post on that topic) 
• Try Rewards- (see other blog post on that)
• Have them earn their privileges instead of having them already available to them (like earning TV or computer time). 
• Get creative! 
• Discuss the lesson after/during the consequence
• Ignore them. This is the simplest and sometimes the most effective skill. Its called "Planned Ignoring". Ignore the tantrum, ignore the negotiation, ignore the arguing, ignore the attention-seeking behaviors. You can say "Im waiting until you are calm." or "Let me know when you are ready", and turn away from them (don't laugh even if they are being hilarious!!) and wait for them to stop the behavior (or do the direction you told them to do). 
• Don't argue! Don't negotiate! Give the direction. Remind them of the consequence. Then wait for child to do it. If they don't- they get a consequence. It's that simple! (TIP: Pre-set up a list of House Rules and Resulting Consequences so you dont have to think of a consequence in the moment, also so the child knows what to expect). 
• Time outs - this isn't just the typical 3-5 minutes on the step or couch or corner, but also an item can be in time out (like a toy kids are fighting over can be put out of play for a few minutes or longer), child has to sit out and not participate in something (see ideas above), child isn't given attention for inappropriate attention seeking behaviors. Remember with time outs you can do one minute per age for little kids. Older kids this isn't usually used. Special needs kids- do the amount of minutes they are developmentally, or half of what their age actually is, or whatever is attainable!
• Have the child explain why they got the time out/consequence to you, and how/what they will do differently and better next time. THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PART. This is how you can tell if they learned their lesson. I know I keep repeating this, but that's how important it is! "Yes you were in time out for hitting your sister, what should you do next time she takes your toy from you?" If the child can't come up with a response, wait and repeat the question so they don't just get away with saying "I dont know". Then if they genuinely don't know, throw out some suggestions and have them pick the right response. If possible act it out/role play the situation too. (With older kids (3-7 yr olds), little kids probably won't be able to do this(2-3 yr olds). 

Apologies: If you give your child a consequence and they beg and plead saying they are sorry. You should NOT give in, however acknowledge they are sorry, but still give a consequence (after all if you were to do something wrong at work, you might say you are sorry but may still be put on probation. Or if you got a speeding ticket, you can apologize to the cop, but he will likely still give you that ticket!) "I'm glad you are sorry, but you still are getting a consequence". 

Whining

Whining is an easy one to solve ....

Ignore whining. Say "I can only listen to your big girl/ boy voice". If child is having trouble re toning his request then model it for your child. Say the request for them to repeat. For example... "I want a drink please, mommy!" ( in a normal/ nice tone). 

Also you can record your child's voice and play it for them. You could imitate them to show them how they sound. Another option - you can say one phrase in two tones and have child identify which sounds better. If they pick the whiny one then just use a whiny voice when talking to them all day and see if they call you on it! 

Morning Routines and Picture Schedules

Routines are so important for kids- especially kids on the Autism spectrum.
If your child is having a hard time getting up and going in the morning and you find yourself constantly yelling for your child to get dressed, eat up, brush teeth, hurry up, etc... you can try a picture checklist, a reward chart, or a logical consequence.
I've heard of this idea: If your child misses the bus, "fine" them a small amount of money to drive them to school like they would have to pay a taxi/bus (but reasonable amount). If your child cares about their money, this should work.
Another idea I've heard: Let them go to school in their pajamas if they don't get dressed- and the consequence will take care of itself!
Other consequences could be losing TV/Computer/Game time when they get home from school, having to go to bed earlier the next night, etc.
If kids are motivated, they can do it.
Kids with ADHD might forget steps despite doing the same routine daily- so a picture list will save you some breath and words- let the pictures tell the child what to do next instead of having to yell at him all the time!

Picture Schedules are really helpful for organizing the day, helping kids know whats coming next, and can help prevent tantrums that often occur during transition times. Here are some picture schedules I have made. There are many pre-made ones that can be printed online or you can make your own individualized ones! 

Rewards and Consequences - ideas and charts

Use of Rewards is extremely effective for kids, especially kids with Autism, ADHD, ODD (oppositional defiant disorder), and related issues.
Find out what motivates your child. Rewards should be very individualized, personalized, and will vary based on the child's interest, age, and availability.
Rewards do not always have to be something bought like new toys.
Rewards could be :
-extra time (like stay up late, extra time on computer/game, etc)
-extra attention (play a game with mom/dad, go out somewhere with parents, etc...)
-special choice (pick what's for dinner, pick the movie the family watches, etc)
-trip out (for ice cream, accompanying mom/dad anywhere, playground, out to eat, etc)

Ask the child what they would like to earn or work for, and then negotiate.
If the reward can match the behavior that's even better! Like if they get all their homework done early they get to play a game with mom/dad or read an extra story before bed. Or if they do their chores (like set the table for example) they can help mom make dinner, if they like).

Reward charts can be about one specific behavior you want to increase, or used for several behaviors. The amount of time it takes to fill the chart should vary. For young children it should be pretty easy and often to get rewards (daily, or several times per day for extreme behaviors you are trying to stop), for pre teen kids usually weekly works, for teens, it should take longer to get rewarded (rewards for teens might be getting or using a cell phone, access to the family car, going on a trip/school event, things like that.)

Reward charts are super easy to make, print out, or even buy. Here are some of my favorite sites to find pre-made reward charts...
Super nanny reward charts  - info on how to make/use
Printable SuperNanny reward charts
Free printable reward charts
This site has alot of different types of charts
Chuck E Cheese Rewards - can't afford much? Use these Chuck E Cheese reward charts to get free tokens to play!


Types of reward charts:
Earn tokens/points/stickers to get to a goal (like need 10 stars to get reward)
Move along a track/up a chart/numbers to get to top/goal (move up from 1 to number 10 to earn reward)
Earn puzzle pieces to put entire puzzle together (earn the picture that is on the puzzle, or something else)

Opposite of a reward chart- a consequence chart could be losing tokens for misbehavior, or lose other things the child has/likes (take away a favorite toy, perhaps). I only suggest this method when you are trying to extinguish a behavior, not replace it with something else and rewards aren't working. Positive rewards are better, but you can try this strategy if that's not working or not possible with the type of behavior you are working on...

It's the "X" out the letters strategy.
For example a child keeps asking to go to the store when you already said No or Not now. Or a child keeps hitting or keeps doing something you want them to stop doing. A creative strategy I have used is to X out letters to something the child wants. For example I was working with a child who wanted to play with trains. I told him we have to do this and that first, then we can play trains. He kept asking me and I got really frustrated telling him same answer. So I wrote the word "TRAINS" on a white board, and told him every time he asks me I will X out a letter. If there are any letters left when we finish the work we were doing then we would play trains, if not, we wouldn't. After losing two letters, he got it and I never had a problem with that again! Another child I worked with wanted to go to the Pool but wasn't listening to what I was asking him to do- he kept screaming/making noises to be silly/clapping loudly for no reason, etc. So I drew 5 little pools on a paper, and I told him every time he does the screaming/misbehavior I would X out a pool. Once all the pools were gone, he couldn't go to the pool. He lost the pool one time (we used this method several times) and was usually pretty good after losing one X or two. Ive seen teachers use this method if the class is supposed to have a fun party and they are acting up that day (too excited or whatever). The teacher writes PARTY on the board, and every time the students are talking/not listening, etc she would X out a letter. They didnt want to lose that party so it was a good reminder to not get all the letters X'd out!

Cursing and Preschoolers

So... I know its HILARIOUS when your toddler/preschooler says a bad word but ... the best response is really not to respond. I know its really hard! Believe me! Because its so funny! But if you laugh it will just encourage the use. Even if you follow the laugh with "Don't say that!" they still remember "I said this word and Mommy laughed! I should do it again!" Even if they weren't looking for attention they will often jump on this chance for attention and continue the behavior.
(BTW these apply to not just typical curse words, but also potty words like "poopy" that kids like to say, or even "hate" and "stupid" that maybe be a problem in your home too).
So here are my suggestions...

1) Ignore (especially if they only say it once in a while. Even if you've laughed before, ignore it the next time).
2) Watch your OWN language!! Kids repeat what they hear. That goes for Mom, Dad, Grandparents, TV, Older siblings, etc...
3) Tell them "that word means something else, and its not nice to say" or"We arent allowed to use that word at school/in this house" (Even if you heard Daddy use before).  (Also Note ... It's Not necessary to explain what the word means to the child, but suffice to say the child likely has no idea what the word actually means- even if they use it "correctly"- they just know the word has power- it makes people laugh, yell at them, etc).
4) Make them aware they are using the word if they aren't realizing it. "That's a Red word" (Red words are things that aren't okay to say), or "We're not using potty words"
5) Teach them a "replacement word" which is a "Green word". Something silly is great. Make sure the replacement word is acceptable at School (not just at Home!).
6)If they continue to use the bad word tell them "if you are going to use "potty words" you have to use them only in the bathroom". Then send them to the bathroom every time they use a potty/curse word. Eventually they get tired of being left out of the group and the behavior usually stops. The assumption is the child is doing this behavior for attention and being sent out of the room means they lose attention, so it works!

There's a Red words and Green words social story on this site: "www.thewatsoninstitute.org"

Traffic Light Behavior Chart idea

Many schools use the traffic light behavior chart system where the student is placed on "Green" (on a chart, the board, or has a green card, etc) to mean "Good Behavior". "Yellow" means "Warning". "Red" means you are in trouble/get a consequence. Some schools also have Orange and Black which may indicate going to see Principal, call home to Mom/dad, and other consequences. 

I made this for a family to use at home. There are two sets of circles, one for each child. I put the child's name on a clothespin. The parents can move the child's clothespin to let the child know where they are. The clothespin can move up and down. It helps kids aware of where they are in their behavior, and keeps parents on track so they don't have to give a zillion "warnings" but can move right to "Red" if child is not listening and give a consequence.