Oppositional Defiant Disorder- specific tips for ODD

Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD)

by Patience Domowski, LCSW

Oppositional Defiant Disorder, “ODD”, is a childhood behavioral disorder characterized by extreme defiance, opposition to adult authority, including angry mood, easily irritable, argumentative behavior, often vindictive- does things purposefully to annoy others or get back at others, refuses to comply with directions, blames other people for their own mistakes. These behaviors often occur across settings (home, school, and community), however sometimes it may only occur in one or two settings. It can occur from preschool ages through teen years.

Children with ODD often need a different parenting approach than their typical peers or siblings. They need a lot of structure. They need a very consistent and strict parenting approach. Instead of explaining why or giving reason for things, like might be helpful with other children, ODD kids need a simple, clear direction. They often don’t care about the why, they just want to argue and a logical explanation is not effective for these children. They need a regular routine, if possible. Knowing the expectation and what comes next can avoid a lot of problems.

Children with ODD need rewards and consequences. Often children with ODD and other behavioral disorders (such as ADHD) lack an internal feeling of happiness or pride in doing a good job, pleasing their parents or teachers, or feeling good about doing things they should do. They often need to be given a reason to motivate them to make a good choice or do what they are told because internally they don’t care. They often have that “what’s in it for me” attitude. If a child does not have an internal motivator, then they need an external motivator (reward) in order to comply.

They don’t need a bribe (giving them something first and expecting something in return) or a negotiation. They need simple direction and an opportunity to earn a reward. They also need clear (not vague) consequences for misbehavior. Use First/Then terms. First you have to do this behavior, then you can have/do what you want. Example: “First eat dinner, then you may watch TV”.

Use the word No sparingly. If it’s an absolute NO, use it. If it’s a “later”, use that term instead, as it may help avoid a tantrum from hearing the word No. They won’t be able to hear anything else after that word. Example: “You can play outside, as soon as your homework is done” instead of “No, you can’t go outside now”.

Use a reward chart system. Have the child earn rewards by doing certain behaviors – can be on a daily or weekly basis. There are many printable free reward charts online. A popular idea is the traffic light behavior chart where child is on “Green” for good listening, “yellow” for warning, and “red” for consequence.

Another similar (but non visual) strategy is 123 Magic, by Thomas Phelan. This is not the same as “counting to 3”. Basically the parent tells the child to do something and says “That’s one” along with the direction. If the child doesn’t behave after a reasonable wait time, the parent repeats the direction and adds “that’s two”. Again, the parent would wait, and if the child doesn’t follow the direction, the parent would say “that’s three” and immediately invoke a consequence. The consequence could be immediate or later, but the child would know at that moment that since they reached “3” they would get the consequence. However the direction still has to be followed.

Avoid empty threats. Don’t keep giving warnings and chances because the child will take advantage of that and try to manipulate parents to get their way and continue their behavior in order to get what they want.

Sticking to the consequence, providing rewards, and staying firm can go a long way in helping a child struggling with Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Seeking help from a behavioral therapist is helpful for the child to learn some strategies as well as helpful for parents to learn some different ways to handle their child’s behaviors.

Books by Patience Domowski, available on Amazon.com, print and Kindle versions

 The (Un) Common Sense Guide to Parenting by Patience Domowski, LCSW

“Julian Learns” Series includes 3 stories in one book- stories include: “Julian’s Anger Story”, “Julian’s ODD behavior” and “Julian Learns Respect”.  Book also includes reward chart ideas and worksheets for each story for child to practically apply their newly learned skills from the stories.

Emotionality/Handling Meltdowns in children

Emotionality and handling Meltdowns

When your child is very emotional/gets upset easily/meltdowns

Do’s and Don’ts for parents~  by Patience Domowski, LCSW

Do…

·         allow your child to express their feelings (as long as they are safe)

·         provide a safe spot for your child to go to calm down

·         give your child space (if they are really angry don’t keep talking to them, let them calm down first or they will just get more upset)

·         use a “code word”  (silly secret word) for your child to say if they need space and need to be left alone when upset and respect that word by not continuing to engage with them at that time (Alternatively parents can use the word when they need child to give them space too to calm down)

·         come up with a list of coping strategies/chill skills for child to use when child is in a good mood and post it where they can see it

·         try to remind child of coping strategies BEFORE they become extremely angry (include an incentive like extra time with something or a treat if they use a chill skill to calm down)

·         try to help our child recognize the middle part between annoyed and furious so they can work on calming at that time instead of when they are super angry

·         wait until child is calm before problem solving

Remember: FIRST Calm, THEN problem solve!

Don’t…

·         tell your child not to feel angry/anxious/sad/ etc (they can feel what they feel)

·         punish your child for feeling [discipline for “behavior” not “feelings”]

·          keep yelling/pushing your child to do what you asked/discuss the problem/etc when they are getting upset

·         allow child to be disrespectful or aggressive even if they are upset. [If they do so have them apologize afterwards ]

·         threaten things you don’t mean or won’t follow through with such as a punishment

·         give in to child’s wants when they aren’t making a good choice, or after saying no already (even if it means a meltdown is coming)

Pencil Problems

I made this to attach pencil to desk for student who drops their pencil alot. ADHD kids tend to have their pencil fall off their desk several times a day !!

First/Then

First/Then

This strategy is really helpful for kids with autism but it can work with anyone! You make a card with two sections and put a picture/or write what you want the child to do first, and then the second part is something the child prefers. This is used for work, play, eating, going places, etc! 

Fidgets for Focus

Fidgety at school

Here's a tip: if your kid is fidgeting and having trouble staying seated or focused at school... Try a fidget toy like a squishy ball for him to hold. Of course if he throws it or gets out of his seat, take away the toy.

Anxiety - about going new places and separation anxiety

Anxiety about going somewhere new

Some kids have alot of anxiety about going somewhere new (or somewhere they haven't been in a while) or visiting/meeting new people.
Some kids may not show their anxiety, but rather internalize it (may be worried but not express it) and other kids express it in different ways.
Some kids show this anxiety in the typical way: clinging to mom/dad, crying, refusing to go.
Other kids show this anxiety by throwing a fit or a tantrum. Sometime parents don't recognize the reason for the tantrum- the child doesn't or can't appropriately express his feelings so they throw a fit.

Tip: Review and prepare. Show the child the website of where you are going (all attractions like museums, zoos, etc have websites with pictures), or show your child pictures of who you are visiting (grandparents for example). Discuss what you will do, what you will see, etc. Explain to the child its okay and normal to be a little anxious about doing something new or going somewhere new. Tell the child what the OK reaction should be. Also remind them how they can cope (hug parents, hold their hand, bring their favorite toy). Finally make sure you emphasize the fun part! Remind kids it will be fine.
Some kids do great with "Social Stories" where a story is written with the child in the story and it explains what will happen, what the expected behavior is, and reminds the child they are doing a great job learning whatever the skill is you want them to learn. (Search online for some free available social stories, or you can make one up yourself! I'll do another blog post on how to write them soon)

Here's an example of something you can say to your anxious child Before you go, and maybe during the car ride too.  "I know sometimes you (or use "kids" in general if the child gets upset if you specifically focus on them) get a little worried or anxious when going somewhere new. Its okay, and normal. Even mommies and daddies get anxious sometimes. (You can say if its true that you feel a little nervous too).  Remember you can tell me "I feel worried" or "I'm scared" (use whatever feeling word you think your child is most familiar with and would understand) and come give me a hug, or you can hold my hand until you feel comfortable.We're going to do and see lots of fun things (give specific examples if you can).  I'm sure you will have lots of fun!

 (If you are leaving the child with a new babysitter for example, however, explain you will be back very soon and will give lots of hugs and kisses when you return, and you will miss them too.)

Function of Behavior/ Why is the child doing this behavior?

Why? That is the question

If you can figure out WHY your child (or student in a classroom, for teachers) is doing what they are doing, you are much closer to figuring out how to solve the problem/intervene.

There are 3 basic functions for behavior (I know, shocking its so few, huh?!)
1. To Obtain/Get Something (or Get Attention)
2. To Escape/Avoid Something
3. For sensory input/stimulation

So look at what happens BEFORE the behavior (called the "Antecedent")
Then Look at what happens AFTER the behavior (called the "Consequence"- doesnt have to be negative or a punishment, in this case).

Here's an example:
Teacher says "Time for work". Child screams and throws himself on the floor. Teacher comes over and asks what's wrong and tries to talk child into doing work.
What do you think the function is?
Well it could be for (1.) Attention (from the teacher, even if the teacher is also going to punish the child), or for (2.) to escape work. Or is it (3.) the child enjoys making loud sounds? Hmm it might be a little bit of everything. (Some behaviors do hit all the above functions, and those are difficult!). So try different responses (whether changing the antecedent or the consequence) to see what happens.
So teacher says "Time for Work", Child screams and hits the floor. Teacher ignores. (Other children need to ignore too). Child then returns to work, or does another behavior (Okay then they want attention).
Teacher says "Time for work"; child screams, teacher sends the child out of the classroom to sit in the hallway, see the principal, etc. Child complies (and maybe even is happy about it). Likely reason is for Escape (child avoided work).

Another thing to consider is- is this behavior due to a skill deficit? For example can the child not do the work he is asked to do? Is it too difficult? Does he/she not understand? Does the child not have the skills (wasnt taught for example) to raise his/her hand and ask for help?
Teaching the replacement behavior (ask for a break or ask for help- for example) would be the best response.

To figure out number 3- the best test is to answer this question: If the child was completely alone, wasn't given any attention, and wasn't being given a demand (direction to follow), would the child do this behavior? If so, its likely for sensory stimulation.
 

Feeding problems

Eating/Feeding concerns and how to address them (Picky Eaters)

This is for picky eaters, kids with autism, sensory food avoidance, etc...

This is an idea of how to introduce new foods that I have come up with based on observing different interventions teachers, OTs, therapists, parents, etc have used with kids. I cannot and will not guarantee this will work, but its just a suggestion to try.
The basic idea is to offer/present or insist on trying the new food BEFORE they get the food they want. Do not even show them their preferred food when presenting the new food. New foods must be offered SEVERAL times on different occasions for kids to try to see if they will like it/eat it. Don't give up after just one attempt!!  
Also often children will eat more/different foods at school, or with peers/siblings/friends/cousins/etc MORE OFTEN than just with mom/dad at home, so try sending in different food options to school, invite kids over at home to all eat foods, etc. 
When I talk about "New or Different" foods I mean normal kid food that the child refuses, nothing that is usually an acquired taste like some different cultural or "ethnic" foods, sushi for example if family is not Asian, certain vegetables like Asparagus most kids don't prefer for example. Ask/observe other kids to find out what is "normal" kid foods in your area/culture. 

Using a "First/Then" chart card may be helpful for visual learners (most autistic kids).

Feeding Behavior Protocol

Present new food daily, or at least several times/week. Child must do Step (below) first, then receive preferred foods.  Once the Step (that you are on) has been successful for 5 consecutive days, move on to next step in sequence. If unsuccessful, go back to previous successful step. Don’t pressure child or make it feel like a punishment. Make it relaxed. Model eating different foods for child, offer child to eat off parents plates, have peers/siblings model eating the new food as well (if possible). Keep trying new and different foods. Research shows child may need to be presented with new foods 20 times before will eat/try it. Skip Steps below if your child is already past that stage (don’t go backwards if unnecessary)

(** Note - most kids will be at step # 3, 4, or 5 to start. Some kids may need pre step or steps 1-2 to start)

Pre-steps: (Use if child is avoidant of touching certain textures like pudding for example)

– Have child first touch food with one finger (or touch food with a plastic glove on, or in a plastic bag)

-Have child put hands in food, then wash off /remove quickly

-Move to step 1:

• Step 1: Touch food to mouth
• Step 2: Lick food
• Step 3: Take a tiny bite “mouse bite”
• Step 4: Take a larger bite “elephant bite”
• Step 5: Eat new food (1)
• Step 6: Eat full serving of new food
• Step 7: Try another new food!! Repeat Steps 1-7 as needed

Teaching Language skills

Using Language to Communicate to Get what you want

Kids (especially Autistic children) have to be taught to communicate (whether its verbally, with sign language, picture exchange, or tech device). They will often use the least amount of effort to get what they want.
Even typical (non autistic/non special needs) kids will often cry or whine for something if they are not made to communicate properly if that behavior will still get them what they want.

Problem example:
Child wants milk. He whines. Mom knows what he wants, so she gives him the milk.
Child wants to eat. He cries. Mom fixes him dinner.
Child wants a toy. He points to it and grunts. Dad hands him the toy.
Child wants something at a store. He throws a tantrum. Mom/Dad buy the toy.

Even if you know what your child wants, other people may not, and you want your child to learn to communicate (usually verbally) instead of making noises (grunts), pointing (in some cases), crying, or tantrumming to get what they want/need.

Here's what you can do. "Friendly Sabotage": Hold the object/item the child wants, or put it just out of reach and DO NOT give it to the child until they communicate appropriately (whatever is acceptable and Possible for that child whether its talking, using pictures, signs/gestures, etc).
For example. Child wants drink. He points to cup and whines. Mom holds the cup and says "Drink. Do you want drink?" Child nods. Mom waits. Mom repeats "Drink. I want Drink". (Either says what the child should repeat, or waits for child to make request). Child says "Drink/I want Drink" Mom gives him/her the drink.

Another example. Teacher/Therapist/etc is doing a craft with the child. Teacher/therapist withholds the tools needed (markers, glue, scissors) and tells the child to do a task. "Write your name on the paper". When child realizes they need a tool to complete the task, they must ask for the tool first. "I need marker please!" Teacher/Therapist can hold the marker/glue/etc or say the word for child to repeat. "Do you need marker? Ask for the marker/ I want marker, please."

If child cannot talk then use sign language, or picture exchange (your child's therapists/teachers should come up with the best communication system for your child in consultation with parents and observing child's preferred way of learning and his/her abilities already) - consult with your child's speech therapist and special education teacher, as well as with behavioral therapists for more ideas and suggestions and ways to teach this skill.

Error Correction (Re-doing the expected behavior after making a mistake)

"Error Correction" is an "in the moment" teaching opportunity.
Basically take the child back to where they made the error (physically) and "re-do" the behavior the correct way.

For example: You are holding child's hand walking in the store. The child suddenly runs off. You chase him down. Instead of just telling him "Don't do that again!" Take him back to where he started to run off and hold his hand and make him walk that same space.

Another example I can give from experience. I used to see a child for therapy in a daycare. When I would show up he would rolls his eyes and groan. I was teaching him social skills and that is not the proper way to greet anymore, especially an adult. So I said "Let's try that again" and I told him what the expected behavior was: "You should say "Hi Miss Patience!" when I arrive. So I went back out the door and came back, expecting him to use the right behavior. We practiced that awhile. Another client I had would stick out his tongue when I arrived. I tried the same thing. I would go back outside and re-knock on his door and have him greet me properly. After a few weeks of that (I only visited 1-2x/week) he now does it properly without having to "re-do" the greeting.

By redoing the behavior in the moment it helps the child learn "muscle memory" to remember what to do. Kids tend to learn better (and so do some adults!) from kinetic learning (using your body) more than just verbal learning. So acting out a behavior or role-playing a social scenario can teach the skill better than just lecturing or telling a child what to do next time without practicing it.

Potty Training

Potty Training

If your child is ready for potty training... 
(To be ready the child should be able to notice they are eliminating/voiding, such as going off in the corner to "go", asking for diaper change right away, feeling uncomfortable with a full diaper, showing interest in the bathroom, able to request the bathroom- for verbal children). 
Usually children are around 2-3 years old. (Developmentally delayed children may be around 4-6 yrs old or older.) Occasionally a child is ready around 18 months old. 

-Start putting them in underwear (can put diaper over/under underwear if child makes alot of accidents and its not possible to allow them to wet themselves multiple times per day).
[Note: Some parents let children run naked in the backyard in the summer and when they see them start to go, they rush them to the toilet (like training a puppy). This works for Some kids.]
-Try putting them on the toilet (or baby potty) every 10-30 minutes all day (pick which amount of time works best for you and the child's preschool), routinely (may take days or weeks, especially with kids with special needs it may take months or years).
-Have them sit for about 7-10 minutes at a time on the toilet (use a child's toilet seat on the toilet so the child doesn't fall in!)
-Sing, read a book, watch a movie on a portable DVD player, do puzzles, color a picture, etc. Make it fun! Not a punishment! (If child gets up/won't sit, just hold them on the toilet gently for the count of 10, and let them off of it. Can also try keeping their clothes on at first to get comfortable with it, or try a small baby potty if they are scared of large toilet)
-If they eliminate/void on the toilet, they can immediately get up (don't have to wait the rest of the minutes). Don't forget to wipe! [**Girls should always wipe front to back to prevent infections!!]. Teach child how to wipe themselves. Use wet wipes, then fade out to toilet paper, if you want.
-Give alot of social praise : "Yay! Good job!" high five, hugs, etc "You went on the potty!" and also give a special treat if they "go" that they ONLY get at this time (cupcakes, Popsicle, candy, chocolate, etc).
-Have child flush the toilet, and pull up their underwear (or pull-up)- they may need help, but let them try on their own first, and show them where to put their hands (front and back works better than just the two sides).
- Wash hands!! Even if child didn't void on the toilet, or wipe self they should still learn the importance of washing hands, it gives an extra opportunity to clean hands throughout the day (best way to avoid germs!) plus an opportunity to teach children how to wash hands!

**Note: By about 4 or 5 years old (typical) kids should be able to wipe themselves (may not be super effective if they make a bowel movement, but they should be able to try by themselves first). It may be harder for kids with special needs, if they don't have the right dexterity or can't reach well. Try wet wipes and then move to regular toilet paper.

Additional ideas/information: 
-When beginning to introduce potty training, have child watch you (parents) use the toilet. You could even have child (clothed) sit on your lap when you go to the bathroom, so they see what happens.
-Another idea is to always change child's diaper in the bathroom, when you are starting this process.
-And/or have child sit on toilet or go in bathroom whenever they soil their diaper so they start connecting that when they go in their diaper, it should be in the bathroom.
-Have child flush toilet for parents, or when you put the poo from the diaper in there, for example to help them be more a part of the process and for child to see where poo should go!
- Reading potty training kids books like "Elmo uses the potty" or using potty training dolls can be helpful for some kids. Practicing putting dolly/elmo/bear/etc on the toilet is good idea.
-Potty training sticker charts may work for some kids instead of immediate food/candy rewards.
-Use a step stool/bench under child's feet so they don't dangle if child is scared, and also to push off of to make a bowel movement.
-Have child drink ALOT of water/juice during the day, and on the potty during training.
-Have child change their own clothes or clean up puddles if they have an accident- don't punish them, but stress that pee-pee belongs in the potty.
-If child is dry when its potty time and they had no accidents, praise them, and point out they are dry (specific praise) and emphasize pee goes in the potty.
-Teaching boys to "Aim" .. throw some Cheerios in there and have them try to "sink" the O's! (Don't do this if your child likes to put hands in the potty as he might try to reach in and eat them!)
-Boys need to "point"/Aim DOWN, make sure they hold/push themselves downward (if you know what I mean!) or parents can do it for them until they learn how; otherwise pee will go all over the room, and likely on the parents too! (this always happens at least once when potty training!!) :)
-Teach Boys to SIT first for both pee and poop, then teach them to stand up. (Dad can teach them how to use a urinal). Boys also need to learn how to pee without pulling down their pants all the way in public. This should be taught after they are fully potty trained with the sit-down method for the most part.
-For Girls- always wipe every time- front to back!! To avoid infections and UTIs!
-Boys (especially if uncircumcised) should really wipe even for pee as well to prevent infections too- if a little bit of pee is left on their skin and it gets inside, it can cause some infections/UTIs sometimes.

 Different kids learn different ways so don't be too discouraged if your child needs another method!
Ask your child's preschool teacher, other parents, therapists, and your child's doctor for more ideas or to come up with a unique specific plan for your child if needed! Remember if your child isn't ready, you can take a break and try again later. Also it may take longer than what your friends may tell you and don't feel discouraged- keep trying or try a different method if something doesn't work!

The ideas above come from various experiences and suggestions from teachers, therapists, parents, etc and different experiences I have had working with different professionals and parents with potty training children, especially special needs children.  I hope it helps!

Here's some potty training tips for 3day training- great ideas, though it likely won't work on special needs kids.

 http://yourmodernfamily.com/potty-training-in-three-days-2/ 

Sensory

Some children have Sensory issues which can be causing behavior. To find out- have them evaluated by an Occupational Therapist (OT) at school or outpatient. Sensory behavior may include avoiding certain textures- food, touch, clothes; or sensory seeking like crashing into walls, craving tight hugs, jumping excessively, etc. Children with autism and ADHD often have sensory issues. Some children without any mental health issues have sensory concerns too. 

A "sensory diet" is helpful for kids with sensory needs. This doesn't mean food but rather activities. Consult with your child's OT, PT, special education teacher, etc to make one. Here are some links with more information. 

http://www.playathomemomllc.com/2013/05/bouncy-ball-basics/
http://www.sinetwork.org/about-sensory-processing-disorder.html
http://sensorysmarts.com/sensory_diet_activities.html
http://www.autismfile.com/treatment-therapy/keep-your-cool

Consequences and Discipline

When disciplining a child the most important thing is that they LEARN THE LESSON, not receive the punishment. Does that make sense? Yes, they should receive a consequence, but we need to make sure they actually learned the lesson so they don't repeat the undesired behavior.

You also want to make sure the consequences make the most sense so that the lesson is learned.

Natural Consequences and Logical Consequences: 
Natural Consequences are the BEST because they are most likely to happen and tend to teach the best lesson. Logical Consequences are consequences that make the most sense, sometimes based on what the natural consequence would be if allowed to happen.
Here's an example: If you leave your bike out in the rain, it will likely rust. (or get stolen!). So if your child doesn't put his/her bike away- they should lose the privilege of being able to ride their bike (for a day or week perhaps). Another example: if you are mean to the cat, the cat won't want anything to do with you. So if the child is teasing/hitting the pets, then maybe they can't play with them for a day. If the natural consequence does actually occur this can be a very good lesson for the child (or spouse!).
So try to make the "punishment fit the crime" as they say, if possible. Also check with the child to see if they learned the lesson. "So honey you can't play with your toys today because you didnt clean them up yesterday. I hope you make better choices tomorrow", or "So what did you learn from not being able to play with your friends today? Yes you need to play nicely with them if you want a play date."

When you can't use the above consequences: (and other info)

• Take away a privilege that they care about. (This will vary depending on the child and child's age. TV, computer, wii, video games, ipad, cell phone, car use for teens, sporting event, trip to a special place that was planned, etc). Even if they say they don't care- they usually still do. Make sure they realize the consequence too. For example they lose going to baseball. So take them to baseball practice but they can't participate. (Believe me- they will care!) If they sit home and play video games when they lost baseball practice this isn't really going to work! If they lose 5 minutes of pool time, don't let them play in the house, have them sit poolside and watch their friends/siblings play. 

• Have them "Re-do" the behavior the correct way. "Try again" you could say when they answer you rudely. (See other post on that topic) 
• Try Rewards- (see other blog post on that)
• Have them earn their privileges instead of having them already available to them (like earning TV or computer time). 
• Get creative! 
• Discuss the lesson after/during the consequence
• Ignore them. This is the simplest and sometimes the most effective skill. Its called "Planned Ignoring". Ignore the tantrum, ignore the negotiation, ignore the arguing, ignore the attention-seeking behaviors. You can say "Im waiting until you are calm." or "Let me know when you are ready", and turn away from them (don't laugh even if they are being hilarious!!) and wait for them to stop the behavior (or do the direction you told them to do). 
• Don't argue! Don't negotiate! Give the direction. Remind them of the consequence. Then wait for child to do it. If they don't- they get a consequence. It's that simple! (TIP: Pre-set up a list of House Rules and Resulting Consequences so you dont have to think of a consequence in the moment, also so the child knows what to expect). 
• Time outs - this isn't just the typical 3-5 minutes on the step or couch or corner, but also an item can be in time out (like a toy kids are fighting over can be put out of play for a few minutes or longer), child has to sit out and not participate in something (see ideas above), child isn't given attention for inappropriate attention seeking behaviors. Remember with time outs you can do one minute per age for little kids. Older kids this isn't usually used. Special needs kids- do the amount of minutes they are developmentally, or half of what their age actually is, or whatever is attainable!
• Have the child explain why they got the time out/consequence to you, and how/what they will do differently and better next time. THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PART. This is how you can tell if they learned their lesson. I know I keep repeating this, but that's how important it is! "Yes you were in time out for hitting your sister, what should you do next time she takes your toy from you?" If the child can't come up with a response, wait and repeat the question so they don't just get away with saying "I dont know". Then if they genuinely don't know, throw out some suggestions and have them pick the right response. If possible act it out/role play the situation too. (With older kids (3-7 yr olds), little kids probably won't be able to do this(2-3 yr olds). 

Apologies: If you give your child a consequence and they beg and plead saying they are sorry. You should NOT give in, however acknowledge they are sorry, but still give a consequence (after all if you were to do something wrong at work, you might say you are sorry but may still be put on probation. Or if you got a speeding ticket, you can apologize to the cop, but he will likely still give you that ticket!) "I'm glad you are sorry, but you still are getting a consequence". 

Whining

Whining is an easy one to solve ....

Ignore whining. Say "I can only listen to your big girl/ boy voice". If child is having trouble re toning his request then model it for your child. Say the request for them to repeat. For example... "I want a drink please, mommy!" ( in a normal/ nice tone). 

Also you can record your child's voice and play it for them. You could imitate them to show them how they sound. Another option - you can say one phrase in two tones and have child identify which sounds better. If they pick the whiny one then just use a whiny voice when talking to them all day and see if they call you on it! 

Morning Routines and Picture Schedules

Routines are so important for kids- especially kids on the Autism spectrum.
If your child is having a hard time getting up and going in the morning and you find yourself constantly yelling for your child to get dressed, eat up, brush teeth, hurry up, etc... you can try a picture checklist, a reward chart, or a logical consequence.
I've heard of this idea: If your child misses the bus, "fine" them a small amount of money to drive them to school like they would have to pay a taxi/bus (but reasonable amount). If your child cares about their money, this should work.
Another idea I've heard: Let them go to school in their pajamas if they don't get dressed- and the consequence will take care of itself!
Other consequences could be losing TV/Computer/Game time when they get home from school, having to go to bed earlier the next night, etc.
If kids are motivated, they can do it.
Kids with ADHD might forget steps despite doing the same routine daily- so a picture list will save you some breath and words- let the pictures tell the child what to do next instead of having to yell at him all the time!

Picture Schedules are really helpful for organizing the day, helping kids know whats coming next, and can help prevent tantrums that often occur during transition times. Here are some picture schedules I have made. There are many pre-made ones that can be printed online or you can make your own individualized ones! 

Rewards and Consequences - ideas and charts

Use of Rewards is extremely effective for kids, especially kids with Autism, ADHD, ODD (oppositional defiant disorder), and related issues.
Find out what motivates your child. Rewards should be very individualized, personalized, and will vary based on the child's interest, age, and availability.
Rewards do not always have to be something bought like new toys.
Rewards could be :
-extra time (like stay up late, extra time on computer/game, etc)
-extra attention (play a game with mom/dad, go out somewhere with parents, etc...)
-special choice (pick what's for dinner, pick the movie the family watches, etc)
-trip out (for ice cream, accompanying mom/dad anywhere, playground, out to eat, etc)

Ask the child what they would like to earn or work for, and then negotiate.
If the reward can match the behavior that's even better! Like if they get all their homework done early they get to play a game with mom/dad or read an extra story before bed. Or if they do their chores (like set the table for example) they can help mom make dinner, if they like).

Reward charts can be about one specific behavior you want to increase, or used for several behaviors. The amount of time it takes to fill the chart should vary. For young children it should be pretty easy and often to get rewards (daily, or several times per day for extreme behaviors you are trying to stop), for pre teen kids usually weekly works, for teens, it should take longer to get rewarded (rewards for teens might be getting or using a cell phone, access to the family car, going on a trip/school event, things like that.)

Reward charts are super easy to make, print out, or even buy. Here are some of my favorite sites to find pre-made reward charts...
Super nanny reward charts  - info on how to make/use
Printable SuperNanny reward charts
Free printable reward charts
This site has alot of different types of charts
Chuck E Cheese Rewards - can't afford much? Use these Chuck E Cheese reward charts to get free tokens to play!


Types of reward charts:
Earn tokens/points/stickers to get to a goal (like need 10 stars to get reward)
Move along a track/up a chart/numbers to get to top/goal (move up from 1 to number 10 to earn reward)
Earn puzzle pieces to put entire puzzle together (earn the picture that is on the puzzle, or something else)

Opposite of a reward chart- a consequence chart could be losing tokens for misbehavior, or lose other things the child has/likes (take away a favorite toy, perhaps). I only suggest this method when you are trying to extinguish a behavior, not replace it with something else and rewards aren't working. Positive rewards are better, but you can try this strategy if that's not working or not possible with the type of behavior you are working on...

It's the "X" out the letters strategy.
For example a child keeps asking to go to the store when you already said No or Not now. Or a child keeps hitting or keeps doing something you want them to stop doing. A creative strategy I have used is to X out letters to something the child wants. For example I was working with a child who wanted to play with trains. I told him we have to do this and that first, then we can play trains. He kept asking me and I got really frustrated telling him same answer. So I wrote the word "TRAINS" on a white board, and told him every time he asks me I will X out a letter. If there are any letters left when we finish the work we were doing then we would play trains, if not, we wouldn't. After losing two letters, he got it and I never had a problem with that again! Another child I worked with wanted to go to the Pool but wasn't listening to what I was asking him to do- he kept screaming/making noises to be silly/clapping loudly for no reason, etc. So I drew 5 little pools on a paper, and I told him every time he does the screaming/misbehavior I would X out a pool. Once all the pools were gone, he couldn't go to the pool. He lost the pool one time (we used this method several times) and was usually pretty good after losing one X or two. Ive seen teachers use this method if the class is supposed to have a fun party and they are acting up that day (too excited or whatever). The teacher writes PARTY on the board, and every time the students are talking/not listening, etc she would X out a letter. They didnt want to lose that party so it was a good reminder to not get all the letters X'd out!

Teaching Communication and Directions

Barrier games are great for teaching following directions, listening, giving directions, prepositional placement, and other skills! Both kids (or child and therapist/teacher/parent) each have the same pictures and a background. The person Giving Directions places pictures around the background page and tells the other person where to place there's. (There should be a divider or "Barrier" between the pictures). The other person tries to follow along. After a few pictures (Do maybe 10 or less), then remove barrier and see if the Follower or Listener of Directions followed what the Giver of Directions said!
(Here's an example of a direction: "Put the rooster on TOP of the barn in the Middle of the board. Put the Sheep to the Right of the Cow at the bottom of the page." etc)

See Speech Barrier Games explained
Barrier Games to Download

Angry Birds Barrier game I made from these links:
Easy to make your own! You just need two of each piece, two of each background!

Print the Angry Birds pictures Template 1 and 3 (two copies of each page)
Angry Birds pictures
Print 2 of these backgrounds : Background

Timers to teach focus

There are lots of ways to teach kids to focus. One is to use a Timer (you can use a kitchen timer, watch, phone, or timer app!). Have the child play with something (preferred) for 3-5 minutes. They can't switch activities until timer goes off. If they try to leave bring them back until the timer goes off. Then they can switch activities! You can also do various other table tasks in between taking breaks such as mazes, dot to dots, coloring, worksheets, puzzles, games, etc to work on focus. Do each activity for about 5-10 minutes (depending on child's age and ability) and then take a little break

Recommended apps: "Countdown", "VisTimerFree" for iphone.

You can buy timers specifically for teaching children with ADHD or learning needs at www.timetimer.com 

Lying

Lying

If your child lies alot it can be counter productive to ask him "Did you do 'thus and so'?" and then when he says "no" you punish him for lying and he will never admit to the truth. Its often more helpful to just say "I saw you do (whatever it was), so your consequence is..." or "I heard you did..." and then give a consequence or warning. If you really don't know if the child did something or not it may be helpful to ask them, but kids who lie constantly when you (or another witness) KNOW they did it, its usually easier to just not give them even an opportunity for lying and just move to the consequence for the behavior.

Angry Birds Reward chart

Move the Bird to the Pigs one space for every expected behavior. 

I made this chart for a former client. This is an example of the specific tailored-to-your-child's-interests kind of chart I can make!