College Choices

grad college choices

When your kid picks a college/career choice you don’t approve of…
by Patience Domowski, LCSW

So your kiddo is all grown up. And now they are ready to spread their wings. But you aren’t quite ready to let them leave the nest yet. You’re really struggling to accept their choices perhaps, or you just want to slam down the hammer and tell them they have to listen to you. You want to protect them, you want the best for them, and you know more than they do too. But it often causes a lot of arguing and upset between parents and emerging young adult and makes the distance between you even farther apart.

Let’s think about their point of view. We all value our freedom and ability to make choices. Children have very limited choices and very limited freedom. Most kids can’t pick their school, teacher, class, etc as a child…until college. Now they suddenly have a lot of choices and a lot more freedom. They can pick their major, future career choice, college location, etc. They want to make their own choices, and parents also want to help them make their best choices too.

Often parents will be firm and tell their kids which college they have to attend or just give them a short list to pick from whether its about where the college is located (close/far from home, suburbs or urban), type of school (private, religious, public, etc), as well as what to major in, where to live (on campus/dorm, in an apartment, or at home with family), etc.

The problem is when your child disagrees and parent stands firm opposite them it will just drive a large wedge between you and really mess up the relationship. In order to continue to have a good relationship with your child you should try to hear their side/viewpoint, don’t just argue but really listen. You should present your reasons factually, not emotionally. And in the end let your young adult child make their own choice, because now they are becoming an adult and need to make their own choices and learn from them.

Maybe they will fail and come back to you crying that they learned their lesson. Maybe they will do great and surprise you. Either way it’s a good learning experience. While college and major is important it’s not going to ‘ruin’ their life to pick the ‘wrong’ one. Sometimes kids have to come home or switch schools after first semester/freshman year. And that’s okay. Try not to gloat if you were right, but lovingly welcome them back and help them figure out what to do next. 

College Application steps- for teens

college sign

College application steps

(steps may vary)

1.     Identify interest/career idea/major choice- take a career interest survey or ask your guidance counselor for help if you don’t know what you want to study

2.     Look up colleges that have that major- if you need help there are websites that can help with that or ask your high school guidance counselor

3.     Think about what kind of college you are interested in: consider location- close/far from home as well as urban/suburban/rural areas, cost, programs/majors available, reputation, housing, transportation, etc

4.     Research the colleges you are interested in online- find out all about them, ask college to send you more information.

5.     Tour the college in person if possible, ask the admissions people a lot of questions, get all the info you can

6.     Apply online or on paper- try to apply to about 5 schools (more is fine!) don’t worry too much about whether they will take you or not! [Note- if you had a bad grade year/semester then explain why on the application- maybe you went through a rough break up, had severe anxiety, etc.] There are a lot of essays to write so try to apply to one per week over the summer if possible. Apply early so they will take you with early admission before they run out of space. If applying to art schools make sure you have a good portfolio that shows of your range of talent. If you need letters of reference from high school teachers try to ask them for that before end of school year as they may be hard to reach over the summer.

7.     Complete the FAFSA online with your parents- this shows what your family qualifies for with financial aid. [There is a due date for this- needs parents last tax statements and other information]/

8.     Wait to see if you are accepted- if you are accepted they will send you financial aid information, acceptance letter, paperwork, info, etc

9.     Decide which college you want to attend from the ones that accepted you

10.  Complete the financial aid information they sent and accept scholarships and grants, complete any paperwork they send you.

11. Explore other scholarships and grants besides just from the college- look online, ask if any community programs, high school, etc offer any

12. Save some money from summer jobs.

13. Explore all financial options before taking student loans

14.  Figure out housing options- live on campus, live at home/with local relatives, find apartment with roommates…

15. Keep saving money from summer jobs. Consider job on campus during school year.

16.Pack and get ready to go!! Have fun!!!!